You Never Blink, Do You?

I hope everyone enjoyed their free taco on Tuesday from the "Steal a Base Steal a Taco" World Series promotion that Taco Bell did. I actually scored four of them; I sweet-talked two other people in line into giving me theirs (resourceful), and then Taco Bell screwed up and gave me an extra one. Who says there's no such thing as a free lunch?

Recently, ADawg became the latest man to come to the belief that it is a solid idea to ask for a woman's hand in marriage. We now have an unprecedented 5 dudes in our immediate friend group who all got engaged in the last 5 months: ADawg, St. Aubyn, Ike, Noles, and T. Nels. Ridiculous. This means that A) Vegas is going to be a complete shit show next May, and B) I better win a bunch of money on said Vegas trip, cause I'm gonna be buying an assload of toasters, knife sets, and Belgian waffle makers. Now I'm not a betting man, but if you happen to be scoring at home, here is the updated odds sheet for Next To Get Engaged:

Fundy....................2-1
Bergman................4-1
Z Unit.....................6.5-1
Haley......................10-1
Schultzy..................75-1

And as soon as Fundy fulfills his destiny as The Next (I say by January), I will be collecting the $150 Never Get Engaged Fund that St. Aubyn, Fundy, and I put together in 2003. I've earned it.

If you haven't heard the news yet, Robert Goulet passed away. Now I would be lying if I said that I was a fan of Goulet himself, but I do believe that this is one of the 5 or 10 best SNL skits of my lifetime.

Enjoy it. Dah dah deeee dahhh dah doo doooo. Goulet.

Champs

For the second time in 4 years, the Red Sox have won it all. And for the second time in 4 years, my attempt to go to one of the games was foiled. Back in '04, Dunph and I were driving down to St. Louis with tickets to Game 5 in our pocket, listening to Game 4 on the radio. When it became apparent the Sox weren't going to lose the game, we pulled over in Sioux City, Iowa, to watch the end of the game and lose our asses on the craps table. This year, the Rockies' website suffered a crash bad enough that it is currently the subject of an FBI investigation, preventing me from getting tickets to Game 3. So at this point I should probably just stop trying to buy World Series tickets. This photo of the on-field celebration is courtesy of Dunph, who was at both Games 3 and 4:

Since most everyone else is comparing this year's run to 2004, I suppose I can throw in my two cents' worth. The best comparison I can make between the two championships, from a fan's perspective, is that it's like having sex. It's less stressful the second time around, and you can appreciate the ride a lot more, but there's just something about your first time. It's magical, just like the 2004 championship was. I'll never forget how awesome that couple week stretch was. Ducking out of a wedding dance about 42 different times to watch the end of Game 3 of the Angel series, having to be convinced by my buddies not to shut off the TV during the 9th inning of Game 4 of the Yankee series, living and dying with every single pitch during Games 5-7, and then feeling a sense of calm while they were dismantling the Cardinals. All these memories added together to make October 2004 one of the best of my life.

This championship was different. I was still on edge, obviously more so when the Sox were down 3-1 to Cleveland, but I have never felt such confidence in one of my teams as I did with this one. I haven't seen a baseball team put together a better seven-game stretch than the Sox just did. There wasn't as much of a fear of failure as much as there was an anticipation of success. This is a new and pleasant feeling for me while watching sports, as I am about as pessimistic as they come. As I was after the 2004 season, I am a little depressed that the year is over, and I don't get to watch these guys play for 5 months. With the exception of Eric Gagne, I enjoy every player on this roster.

In a related story, last New Years' Eve in Vegas I wandered into the sports book at 9 am after 12 hours of drinking and a 2 hour nap and put down $10 on the Sox to win this year's title. Now I'm no mathmetician or anything, but at 8-1 odds, that should put me somewhere in the $600-700 range. Word up.

World Series Bound!

Wow. What a 3-game stretch. Have you ever seen a series turn like that? Every single thing about this series got dumped on its head these last couple games. Cleveland went from being loose and confident to playing like they just came from their favorite pet's funeral. Combine that with the fact that Boston got EVERY SINGLE break in Game 7 (Ramirez's bad-hop RBI in 1st, the blown call when Manny threw out Lofton, the 3rd base coach inexplicably holding Lofton at third, Casey Blake doing his best Roger Dorn impersonation) and before you know it, Papelbon is doing the Papelbon and Victor Martinez (revealed as a giant douchebag during this series) is crying in the dugout.

I set a new personal record Saturday night when I received 67 Game 6-related texties. People were coming out of the woodwork to either talk shit or congratulate me (did anyone else know that Mike Haley was a Cleveland fan? Me neither) and as a result, I had to be Johnny Hot Buttons all night. So thanks to everyone who participated. At the risk of tooting my own horn, I texted T. Nels at 7:26 p.m. CST:

''My prediction for Schilling: 7 innings 6 hits 2 runs''

Schilling's actual line: 7 innings 6 hits 2 runs. Toot toot.

Now I know that the 2004 run was pretty much the greatest event in my life since the Rebel Alliance blew up the second Death Star, but this year is a very close second. Just a really enjoyable group of guys. If the Indians were a 9 on the "How scared am I of this team?" scale, and the Angles were a -4, then the Rockies are a 6. Which is also how many games I think it will take for the Sox to wrap up another title.

All Sox'd Out Yet? Then Don't Read This

If you're sick of baseball yet (and watching preseason NBA instead of Game 5, like DVJS) then you can go ahead and skip this post.

Regarding a Sox comeback, Game 5 was the biggie. Getting it back to Boston is HUGE. I'm not trying to go all Chandler Bing on you or anything, but, seriously, can Josh Beckett be any better in the postseason? Sweet move by Cleveland, by the way, bringing in his ex-girlfriend to sing the national anthem. JB don't play that shit. That was comparable to when St. Aubyn cut out the famous picture of Hakim Warrick blocking Michael Lee's shot from the 2003 championship game, and hung it up on the fridge just before the 2004 elite 8.

Next up, Manny's comments from Wednesday. "If we lose, who cares? We have a good team. There's always next year." Yada Yada Yada. The media had a friggin' field day with these quotes. I listened to literally 7 straight hours of ESPN radio ripping into Manny yesterday. Personally, they don't bother me. At all. He's not saying that he's not trying. That's ridiculous. Ummmm he's hitting .429 with 4 ya-yas and 11 RBIs this postseason. If that's Manny not trying, then good lord. Also, has anyone noticed him screaming at himself after pitches that he just missed and fouled off? He's not trying? I know that Manny is an idiot (the pimping of his home run down 7-3 was indefensible, but really, is the move where Manny jumps into Ortiz's arms the best home run celebration in baseball, or is it just me?), which is also why I love him, but the media just pounces on any chance to tear into him. This is why he refuses to talk to them most of the time. All that being said, if J.D. Drew or Eric Gagne had made those comments, they would have to place them in some kind of protection program.

My next beef is with media, Cleveland players, Cleveland coaches, etc. saying that ''no one was giving them a chance to win this series.'' Um, what? Of all the postseason predictions I read, Cleveland was picked to win the AL just as often as the Yankees, and actually more than the Sox. And going back farther than that, last off-season, no team was picked to win the AL more than Cleveland (except the Yanks.) Here is an actual quote from Joe Girardi the other night: "I mean, this is a team that was 1/2 game down to Detroit in July!! 1/2 game DOWN!!" To which I replied: "Are you fucking kidding me?" Wow. A whole 1/2 game down, folks. How did they pull themselves out of that hole to find themselves here, one win away from the World Series? By no stretch of the imagination has this team been disrespected in the last 11 months. The only time people were down on them was after Game 1. And that's because they looked like shit. And now they don't. So quit playing the No Respect card, Cleveland. We know you're good.

It's amazing how a few months ago, the strength of this Boston team was its bullpen. Now, everyone out there besides Papelbon and Jon Lester gives me a mild heart attack when I see them start to warm up. Ick. On the bright side, Lester and Manny Delcarmen can play a mean water bottle percussion set on Doug Mirabelli's knees. That was pretty funny, as was Papelbon doing the YMCA arm motions while doing jogging in the bullpen during Game 5.

Now we have both Schilling and the home crowd going for us in Game 6. Both need to turn in a better performance than they did in Game 2. Unfortunately, we would have Dice-K for a potential Game 7. I have lost every shred of faith in him that I ever possessed. I think it would help me emotionally if he MADE A FACIAL EXPRESSION every once in a while. Whether he's pitching a one-hitter or getting shelled, his expression only ranges from "I can't believe I have to repeat the 4th grade" to "I just came home and found my wife humping the mailman."

This picture was taken after he just got done striking out the side.

But anything can happen in a Game 7. Just gotta get there. Go Sox.

Arrowhead Section 135, Row 14, Seat 6

Jack Hammen, aka The Big Guy, aka Babaganoosh, aka Captain Jack made the trip down I-29 with my mom last weekend. He makes his debut in this blog, as we went to our first live NFL game on Sunday to see the Chiefs take on Cincinnati. The seats were awesome, and the noise level was shocking. Couldn't even hear my dad talking to me before big plays. Although I'm pretty sure he was just saying, "Holy shit, it's loud in here!!!"

Afterwards we immediately headed over to the Outhouse for some Sunday afternoon action. Just kidding. In addition to the game being exciting, the Chiefs covered the spread ($$$) yet T.J. Houshmanzadeh managed to put up a big game for me (fantasy points.) All in all, a great sports weekend. Except, of course, for Eric Gagne's Game 2 shenanigans. He continues to lead the league for 2007 in Most Times Ruining Jim's Night. He now owns a commanding 5-2 lead over "Combining allergy medicine with drinking to excess."

I have many thoughts on Game 4 tonight, but due to the fact that not many of them are positive, combined with the fact that I am too nervous to clearly express them, I will leave them unspoken at this juncture. All I will say is that Wakefield is either unhittable or terrible, with not much of an in-between. Here's hoping for the former. Go Sox.

This was supposed to be a picture of Chad Johnson screaming at the coaching staff for not getting the ball. (Not pictured: Chad Johnson screaming at the coaching staff for not getting the ball.)

Gettin' Housed At The Outhouse

Cast of characters, from left: Russell, St. Aubyn, Danny, Katie "let's call Jim in the 9th inning of a Sox playoff game" Zidon, Alex, myself, and Bergman. Last weekend some of the boys from back in G.F. came down for a couple days; probably the last time we'll be reunited until May, unfortunately. But we made the most of it.

Friday night we started at Johnny's Tavern, where we watched the Yankees lose, Dice-K get knocked around, and some toolshed play SexyBack on the jukebox, then dance in front of the big-screen TV until Bergman shouted, "Hey, J.T., sit the fuck down, we're watching the game!" This guy was sitting at a table with a dude sporting both a Red Sox shirt and an Angel hat. Just to give you an idea about these guys.

We went to Louise's West next, where I was doing a magnificent job of shooting double digits under par in Golden Tee while still watching the Sox come back and tie the game up. My highwire act was a success until the aforementioned call from Katie in OKC, announcing she was coming up the next day. I turn back around to see Danny and Alex jumping around trying to get my attention and pointing at the screen, and then see Manny circling the bases. Fuck.

Now we're all pretty well in the bag, and there's really only place Bergman, Russell, St. Aubyn, and I can go from here: a BYOB strip club called the Outhouse. Until Lane (heavily) recommended this place, I had no idea these things even existed. We grab a 30 pack of Miller Lite at a gas station and head out. Thoughts, quotes, and mini-stories from the club that will severely decrease whatever respect you might have had for me and my friends:

1. If there's a better feeling than strolling into a strip club with a block heater of Miller Lite on your shoulder, plopping it down on a table, tearing it open, leaning back and drinking like you're at a picnic, well, then...I haven't felt it.

2. Any guy who has been to a club knows that a girl will sit on your lap, looking for some dolla dolla bills, but once it is evident you will not be purchasing a dance from her this evening, bam. She's gone. But somehow, this one girl, "Ginger," has been sitting on St. Aubyn's lap for over an hour, with 0 dollars coming out of his pocket. When she finally leaves, we ask St. Aubyn what the hell he told her to stay, and he pulls out this little beauty: "I told her that my girlfriend just died 3 weeks ago, and what I was really looking for was just a little company, and I couldn't imagine a more beautiful girl to talk to than her." Clutch. The kicker: He managed to steal a $20 dollar bill from her G-string while she sat there. Are you kidding? He punched his ticket to Hell that night.

3. Bergman comes to the table talking to a stripper, and this exchange takes place:

Bergman, pointing to me: This is my friend Jim.

Me: What are you doing? Don't tell her my real name, you dipshit.

Bergman: Oh! Uhhh, this is my friend Charlie Conway.

Me: Jesus, man. I told you, never use Charlie Conway. Girls know that one. (to the girl): You know who Charlie Conway is, don't you? Fuckin' Dawson's Creek and shit.

Bergman: Don't worry about it. Strippers don't watch the Mighty Ducks.

Stripper, listening the whole time with a blank look on her face: Are you guys gonna buy a dance, or what's the deal?

And so on and so forth. I almost got the heave-ho because my phone had been blowing up since the Sox game, and I kept on forgetting that I wasn't allowed to answer it or read texties. Apparently my justification to the bouncer of "But Manny hit a walkoff!! It's the ALDS!" was juuust good enough to keep me in the ballgame.

Our gas station trip was also an adventure, but the only really retellable story is where some high school girls were bugging St. Aubyn to buy them beer. At first he played along with it, but once it became evident that they wanted him to not only buy it, but PAY for it too, he then told them that he was a cop. They left tracks leaving the parking lot.

To be honest, it's now almost a week later and some of the other stories from last weekend are either hazy or really, really inappropriate, so I'm gonna leave it at that. If this was a PowerPoint presentation, the main bullet that you should make a note of is: If there is happens to be a BYOB strip club within a 100 mile radius of your place of residence, you should go to it.

It's a good thing we went to strip club later that night to re-establish our heterosexuality, because this picture is almost painfully gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Manny Being Manny. Playoff Edition.

Ahhhhh......smell that? That's the smell of ALCS. Playoff baseball is in full swing, and with the Sox looking arguably as good as they have all season, excitement level is at Orange (Orange being the highest level in my Excitement Color Scale.) Beckett's game one and Schilling's game three were beautiful, and although Dice-K's struggles are a bit worrisome, having Wakefield back for the ALCS along with the October studs Beckett and Schilling makes me feel at ease. The lineup is hitting (even Drew a little bit!) and the bullpen has been great, except, of course for Gagne, who predictably ruined the shutout today.

However, the most encouraging sign for Red Sox Nation is undoubtedly the return of the Dynamic Duo, Ortiz and Manny. Oritz's low power numbers (by his standards) and nagging injuries combined with Manny's low power numbers (by his standards) and nagging injuries kept them from being what they have been the last 4 years or so: the best 3-4 combo in baseball. Even though Manny technically returned from his strained oblique two weeks ago, he finally is back to doing the Manny things that make him my favorite player. If J.D. Drew overruns that ball on Friday night, losing his hat, bumbling around, I'm probably throwing something at the TV. When Manny does it, I'm just chuckling and shaking my head.

Then he goes out in the 9th inning and hits a walk-off home run that still hasn't landed yet. I only got to see him round the bases however, due to a badly-timed phone call from someone (I don't want to give away the name and make her feel worse than I already have, but she currently resides in Oklahoma City and her name rhymes with "Katie Zidon".) And the answer to the next question is Yes, I berated her pretty good after I got done celebrating. We even got an interview from Manny after game 2 for the first time in who knows when, featuring the quote, "When you're not right and you still get hits, then you know you're a bad man."

Then, in game 3, he hits the bomb off of Weaver. In case some don't know the backstory, last time Weaver pitched against the Sox, Oritz went yardskis and Weaver felt he admired it too long. He proceeded to eye Ortiz down as he rounded the bases and proclaimed after the game, "I'll remember that the next time we face off." So Ortiz goes deep on Weaver again and pretty much just puts his head down and rounds the bases, defusing whatever situation could have arisen. So what does Manny do in the next at-bat? Crushes the ball, puts his arms out, alternates between eyeing the ball and glaring at Weaver, and walks about 1/3 of the way to first base before finally starting to trot. Basically, pimping a home run like only Manny can.

So now we await the Indians/Yankees. I know that a Yankee/Sox series is always more intense and exciting, but I am still terrified of their lineup. However it ends up, at least Gay-Rod is currently working on another shitty October.

Fuzzy Math

9 Coronas
+ 5 Skinny Pirates
+ 3 mystery shots from a guy with a hairlip
+ 12 games of video Beanbags
+ 1 near bench-clearing brawl between Dunph and the hairlip guy
+ 1 contest "Throwing Christina's phone around the bar trying to shatter it"
+ 33 mile drive back to Lawrence from K.C.

= 1 Hungover Jim Hammen
+ 1 Sonic chili cheese wrap
+ 44 ounces of Strawberry Limeade

= 0 Hungover Jim Hammens

Drivers, Start Your Engines!!!

Sometimes in life you have opportunities to do things; things you might not necessarily list in your favorite things to do, but things that you feel like you should do anyway, just for the experience. So when Lane and Skye told us earlier this week that their neighbors Danny and Tina were going to the NASCAR race in Kansas City on Sunday and that we were welcome to sit and party at their Winnebago, I knew I was in for one of those situations.

So apparently here's how these things work: everyone who is either going to the race (roughly 95,000 people) or just tailgating (probably another few thousand) gets there by about 7 or 8 am. Then you booze until about noon, and if you are attending the race, you start making your way to the track. Pretty standard. The cast of characters:

Myself, Alex, Lane, Skye...

Danny and Tina- wonderful neighbors of the Leedahls and NASCAR enthusiasts...
Brenda and Bob the Cop- a friendly couple who like to talk shit; Bob the Cop bears a striking resemblance to Jeff Garcia...

And other various people wandering in and out of the campsite.

Here is a rough breakdown of our day:

5 am: Alarm clock goes off. Someone remind me why we are doing this again?

6:15 am: I make the first bad decision of the day when, trying to break up a chunk of ice, I puncture a can of pop and a beer and watch it spray all over the cooler. I'm climbing into the Bucket of Suck reaaaaalllll early.

7:05 am: We arrive at the campsite outside the track. Pleasantries and how-do-you-dos are exchanged.

7:08 am: First beer is cracked.

8:30 am: First call to Bergman is made. Bergman is the only person any of us know who would come remotely close to appreciating this, and we plan on capitalizing on this by calling him repeatedly to make him jealous.

9:45 am: Lane and I have each finished off six beers, and breakfast is made and eaten. I'm beginning to realize this is an awesome idea.

A common sight throughout the day: me with a beer can to my mouth, Lane clutching a rolled-up plate of chicken wings.

11 am: St. Aubyn calls, and apologizes, knowing that I like to sleep in til almost noon and then watch football on Sundays. I tell him it's ok, that I'm at the NASCAR race, and that I'm already 10 beers deep into my block heater (30 pack) of Miller Lite. To which he simply replies, "Jesus Christ." Not much else to say, really.

12:30 pm: We walk up to the track to buy shit and listen to the "Drivers, start your engines!!!!!" Which is, without a doubt, the biggest disappointment of the day. Due to the wind and the deep bowl that the track lies in, it really was not an impressive roar. Or a roar at all. However, it did lead to an encounter with one of the biggest dogs I've ever seen.

I don't care what stories those kids from the Sandlot tell, the Beast is OK with me.

2 pm: We return to the Winnebago to drink, eat, and watch the race/football/golf on TV. We're beginning to crash a little bit.

4 pm: A gigantic rainstorm hits, and we watch from inside the warm confines of the Winnebago while everyone sprints back to their respective campsites, completely drenched. This includes Danny, Tina, Brenda, and Bob the Cop.

Lane and I spend the next hour cooking hot dogs and brats, and making up fake announcements to all the stragglers returning from the track that "the dryers are on the track, clear skies are heading this way, the race is restarting in 40 minutes!" This is not going over so well with the diehards that want nothing more than that to be true. An hour later, however, as about 1/5th of the crowd is leaving the grounds, this joke becomes reality, and Lane and I soon begin peddling our hot dogs to people in exchange for their ticket stubs, so we could get in. We are only successful with two people. Two! Who wouldn't trade a shitty, wet, worthless ticket stub for a juicy, delicious hot dog?

6 pm: Everything dies down and the rain delay is over, and we decide to see if we can just get in for free. And lo and behold....

We end up sitting together, all 8 of us, in ridiculously good seats. If Future Jim would've sent me a message last week saying "At 6:30 pm next Sunday you will be in the 20th row at the Kansas City Speedway watching NASCAR" I would've told him he was crazy. Then I would've told him to find Biff Tannen and steal his book that holds the results of every sporting event for the next 50 years.

So the entire day was a great success. Beer was consumed, laughs were shared, engines were started, and horizons were expanded. I won't be actively following the chase for the Nextel Cup or anything, but I do have a newfound respect for the sport of auto racing. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to nursing this hangover like I'm Florence Nightingale.

Compare And Contrast

My boy.





Not my boy.

Thumbs Up!

I could sit and write all about the new job, but I won't bore you with that. I have an office, and a desk, and responsibilities. Tuesday is arms and back. It's boring, but....it's part of my life.

Instead, I will bore you by talking about the things I have enjoyed and not enjoyed recently.

Thumbs Up to...

...Sonic. In my first month in Lawrence, I have eaten here somewhere around 68 times, despite my effort to cut down on fast food. Oh well. I figure if God wanted me to eat healthier, he wouldn't have put a Sonic in my backyard and across the street from my office.

...Entourage. I've never been able to watch it, but now we have HBO. Just a solid show. The only drawback is that I'm nearing the point that I'll have to buy the first few seasons on DVD.

...Golden Tee. Due to the fact that nearly every bar in Grand Forks has decided that Big Buck Hunter is somehow cooler than Golden Tee, and subsequently gotten rid of virtually every Golden Tee in town, I hadn't been able to play much the last couple years. However, there is Golden Tee everywhere here, and I have enjoyed shaking off the rust the last couple weeks. Lately we have started playing alternate shot teams, a la the Ryder Cup. And even when Jud hits a hole in one on a 340 yard, surrounded by water, par-4 18th to beat me and Lane by a stroke, it's still a good time.

...Tennessee Titans on TV. I hadn't got to watch them play a game in over 3 years, because they are not televised in North Dakota unless it's the playoffs or Monday Night Football. I got to watch their game against the Colts, which was my first live look at Vince Young. I liked what I saw. A lot. Now they're on MNF this week, and I'll get to see them when they come to K.C. in December.

...Chipotle. Every Steak Fajita Burrito I purchase is the best $6.28 of my life. I break this record often.

...Used video game stores. There is a sweet one downtown, and I have made my presence felt there. I picked up a couple of Sega games I have coveted for quite some time: FIFA soccer '95 and NBA Jam T.E. At a price of $2 each, how could I not?

...Knocked Up. This doesn't actually apply until Tuesday when it comes out, but I am excited to make this puchase and wear out the DVD within a week.

...Magic Numbers. I love September baseball, when division leaders have "magic numbers." This magic number represents the combined number of wins and second place team losses needed to clinch their division. I feel like these should be applied to real life situations, such as: The magic number to my next chili cheese wrap from Sonic is 2.

Thumbs down to...

...Eric Gagne. Pronounced Gone-Yay!!! Which is what I will be saying if and when the Sox get rid of him. One could make the argument (and I am) that he is the worst trade deadline acquisition in major league history. Dunph summed it up by texting "He is a fucking Katrina-sized disaster right now." Well put.

...Taco Bell's Crunchwrap Supreme. I can't figure out this enigma of a menu item. When I am under the influence, few food items available at 2 AM have the talent to make my taste buds happier. However, when I am sober, this little guy morphs into a seven-layer crapfest. Just gross. I don't like having to deal with this inconsistency.

...Car horns. To be specific, mine. Since I bought my car almost 5 years ago, my horn has been broken. In order to get license plates in Kansas, though, I had to get it fixed. Over these last few years, I fell into the habit of hitting the horn buttons randomly, either keeping the beat with a song or for no reason at all. Needless to say this habit has not served me well since the horn became functional again. Depending on how loud my music is, I usually don't realize I'm doing it until someone flips me off or honks back. Whoops. My bad, dude.

One final thought: Don't take Claritin D right before you start drinking. You might end up blacking out after only 8 beers, and sleeping through the entire car ride home, which includes a stop at a Steak & Shake drive thru. Consider yourself warned.

James McAllister = Martin Donovan

Pictured below (on the left) is my buddy James McAllister, who resides in Midland, Texas, and possesses one of the best moustache/basketball skill combinations this side of Adam Morrison. He is also rumored to have been present in the Vegas hotel room where O.J. and his friends held up those dudes for O.J.'s memorabilia.


Pictured below is Martin Donovan, an actor who plays a role in one of my favorite shows, "Weeds," and has played some other small roles in movies I am not familiar with. I tried to find the pics that show the most resemblance between the two, but they don't do it justice. For those of you who know James, you will most likely say "Wow!" or some other exclamatory word to express your wonder in response to the amazing similarity. To those who haven't seen him in person, the affect will be less impressive, because the pics just don't cut it. In any event, this is what James will look like in approximately 20 years. Mary, pay attention.

You May Find Yourself Behind The Wheel Of A Large Automobile

I decided to take a mini-road trip yesterday, and even though when Lane called and found out I was in Arkansas and told me, "That's weird. That's fuckin' weird. Don't tell anyone else that you're doing this" I think I will tell you. The reasons for going are simple: One of my goals is to see all 50 states, and Oklahoma and Arkansas are a couple I haven't been to, and I don't start work until Monday and I'm bored as shit.

In actuality, the drive was pretty uneventful. Southern Kansas and northern Oklahoma is ugly as hell. Tulsa was OK. To be honest, I was unenamored with the drive until just before the OK/ARK border, when I got off the turnpike and hit a 40 mile stretch of road that winded through hills, under rock, and around rivers. Definite highlight of the drive. The lowlight was a gas station in southern Missouri that was straight out of the movie Cabin Fever. The bathroom was a toilet and urinal surrounded by a huge wraparound curtain in the back of the place, among all their product that wasn't stocked yet. The guy behind the counter weighed at least 400 pounds with a shirt completely soaked through with sweat, and there was a group of creepy-looking older ladies reading bible verses to customers as they entered and exited. The last view that place had of me was of me sprinting back to my car and peeling out. Other than that, pretty boring.

And since I don't have anything else to add, and since Mighty Ducks 2 is on right now, here's my question: What happened to the kid who was both Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez in the Sandlot and Luis Mendoza in D2? I mean, was there another kid who had multiple sport roles as good as those? For that matter, was there another actor in general who did? This will be on my mind all day.

So I'm sick as a dog right now, and all 3 Red Sox/Yankee games are televised this weekend. So you know where to find me: on the couch.

A Night At Kaufmann

Friday night Alex, Danny, Lane and I went to the Yankees/Royals game at Kaufmann. Any time you can get a hot dog, a pop, a bag of peanuts, an outfield plaza seat, and a chance to boo the Yankees in person, all for just $12, you have to take it. I decided that I would break rule #4 from the book "How Not To Be A Douchebag" which states:

"When attending a sporting event, either wear the apparel of one of the teams that are involved in said sporting event, or don't wear any apparel at all."

I knew there would be a lot of Yankee fans in attendance, so I figured I would wear my Sox hat and my Johnny Damon t-shirt jersey to spice things up. After he signed with the Yanks, I crossed out his name on the back and wrote TRAITOR, which makes for a pretty good conversation piece. This night was no different. Sure enough, our seats are in the middle of Yankee territory. The row directly behind us (about 8 Yankee fans who all came together) see my shirt immediately and begin jabbering. The beginning part of the game goes well, as the Royals overcome early homers by Gay-Rod and Posada to tie it up. Additionally, Damon was obliging my boos by going 0 for his first 3 at-bats. The shit-talking was all good-natured, because I think secretly they loved my shirt, and I feel that I held my own pretty well, considering it was 1 on at least 8 at all times. My favorite exchanges:

After a nice running catch at the wall, the Yankee fans (who, to spite me, have been giving Damon a ton of love all night) give him a standing O. To which I reply, "Great range. Great range. And a great arm, too. Look at that, that was only 4 hops to the cut-off man."

After Damon singled late in the game and received a ton of applause, I got quite a few laughs by telling them, "Yeah. That's what .250 hitters do best: go for 1 for 4."

However, the single greatest moment of the night was (like usual) courtesy of Lane. Before I tell it, let me explain our term "Video Game Voice." In sports video games, you always hear the buzz of the crowd, and every once in a while, you hear someone's voice cut through the hum and yell something, for example: "Let's get it together, Tribe!" or "Jeter doesn't suck! YOU suck!" So since we were little we have called that ability to cut through the buzz and have everyone clearly hear what you yell "Video Game Voice." Lane has always had that ability better than anyone I know, and he puts it to great use. So during a Damon at-bat in the 5th, Lane stands up, and in his best video game voice, announces: "JOHNNY DAMON!!!! YOU HURT MY FRIEND'S FEELINGS AND MADE HIM SAD, AND SO NOW I DON'T CHEER FOR YOU ANYMORE!!!" Brought the house down, especially the people in our area who were aware of my shirt. It must be a nice feeling to have rougly 1/3 of a stadium of people laughing at something you said. So kudos to you, Lane.

So, anyways, the Yanks end up winning, I share handshakes and "See you in the playoffs" with the Yankee fans behind me, and then, curiously, Kaufmann puts on a fireworks show greater than a Grand Forks 4th of July. To celebrate their loss, I guess. However, it does lead to this picture that Danny took, entitled "Lane Goes Ape-Shit Bananas Over The Fireworks." I'm not saying it's the greatest picture of all time, but I'm not saying that it isn't.

NFL Preview

No foreplay tonight, let's just do it.

NFC East:
1. Philadelphia

2. Dallas

3. Washington

4. NY Giants

NFC North:

1. Chicago

2. Green Bay

3. Minnesota

4. Detroit

NFC South:
1. New Orleans

2. Carolina

3. Atlanta

4. Tampa Bay

NFC West:

1. Seattle

2. St. Louis

3. San Francisco

4. Arizona

Wild cards: Dallas, Green Bay

1st round: Philly over Green Bay, Seattle over Dallas
2nd round: New Orleans over Seattle, Philly over Chicago

NFC Championship: Philly over New Orleans

AFC East:

1. New England

2. NY Jets

3. Miami

4. Buffalo

AFC North:

1. Baltimore

2. Pittsburgh

3. Cincinnati

4. Cleveland

AFC South:

1. Indianapolis

2. Jacksonville

3. Houston

4. Tennessee

AFC West:

1. San Diego

2. Denver

3. Oakland

4. Kansas City

Wild Cards: Denver, Jacksonville

1st round: Baltimore over Denver, New England over Jacksonville

2nd round: Indianapolis over Baltimore, San Diego over New England

AFC Championship: San Diego over Indianapolis

Super Bowl: San Diego over Philly

Thoughts:

The NFC is just terrible. I would take San Diego, Indy, New England, Baltimore, and maybe Denver over anyone in the NFC. New Orleans has a chance to be great, but I think Donovan McNabb will be ridiculous this year, and the Saints are one year away. I would pick Chicago to fall off this year, but look at that division. That's 6 wins right there, and they can go at least 5-5 against everyone else. Tennessee's offseason crushed my heart. They have a great finish to last year, Vince Young looks amazing, and then they lose their top rusher (Travis Henry) top receiver (Drew Bennett) and Pacman Jones, who took a few punts back for TD's and played a decent corner. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Vince Young agreeing to be on the cover for Madden. Awesome. So it's back to sucking for them. I didn't even have the balls to pick a big sleeper in either conference because a) the top of the AFC is too good, and b) the entire NFC is too shitty. I suppose keep an eye on Washington, depending on how Jason Campbell progresses, and maybe Miami. I think Trent Green still has a little bit in him. But if you remember last year's preview, I have been known to be wrong about Miami before. At least Culpepper isn't involved this time. Which reminds me, every time I read a headline such as "Don't sleep on Culpepper and the Raiders" I want to throw up a little. If he has his comeback year one year after I invested all my credibility in him....I'm not responsible for my actions.

I'm basically flipping a four-sided coin in the AFC. San Diego is the team I like the most, but Norv Turner running things is not promising. Indy doesn't strike me as the team to suffer from the Super Bowl hangover, and now Manning finally has some postseason confidence. I almost picked Baltimore to go all the way after they acquired McGahee, but I couldn't pull the trigger. My boy Steve McNair is just a shell of himself at this point. And New England....meh. I know they were close last year, and they definitely upgraded, but not as much as everyone thinks, in my opinion. For whatever reason, I just can't get on board with the Pats. So I'm taking the Chargers, but any of those four could easily do it. Any of those four would go at least 14-2 and walk to the Super Bowl in the NFC, which is sad. It's boring when the AFC, American League, and Western Conference are way better than the NFC, National League, and Eastern Conference, all at the same time.

But one thing I do know for sure, my fantasy team sucks. Hard.

Whirlwind

Lots of goings on these last few days. In a span of about 40 hours, Danny and I both found jobs, a noonball game, and a team for a basketball league that starts next month. After resigning myself to the fact that I would almost certainly be making the trek into Kansas City every day in order to get a decent "big kids' job" I found one here in town that suits me better, pays more, and is a much, much, much shorter commute than the other opportunities I had. So I am certainly thankful for that. And, in an ironic twist of fate, the company I will be working at resides between the 400 and 500 block of Gateway Drive. What was the address of Culligan Manor back in G.F.???? 416 Gateway Drive. It was meant to be. So anyways, I suppose the days of playing Madden, swimming, and dunking on a small plastic hoop in our living room while listening to the Karate Kid soundtrack are just about over. It was a good run, but it will be nice to get back to working again.

It was also a fantastic sports weekend for this guy as well, between Phil finally nailing down a tournament when Tiger was in contention, and of course the no-no that Clay Bucholz threw on Saturday. French has already done a wonderful job in painting a rosy picture entitled "The Red Sox Future" so I will not belabor that point any longer. Instead, I will take this opportunity to do something I do very well: complain about my bad luck. Since I don't get to watch Sox games unless they are on ESPN, I am a giant fan of GameCast. Especially these last couple weeks, when I have had less to do (see preceding paragraph), basically, if a computer is within my reach, then I am at least tracking the Sox game on GameCast. Due to golfing in the afternoon, then going straight out to eat and then to the bars, Saturday's game was the first game in weeks that I had no clue about....until Lane called to congratulate me. This is not the way you want to hear about something of this magnitude, especially considering the way both Lane and Dunph completely and totally jinxed the Twins' near-perfect game on Friday night. Now, you might be leaning back and saying to yourself or to whomever you may be reading this with, perhaps a loved one, "Wow. Big deal. Quit complaining, you gigantic homo." To which I would reply, "F you. When every possible small break you encounter every day continually bounces the other way, see how pessimistic you become." After seeing numerous everyday examples first-hand, Jon-Jon knows all about this phenomenon. I think at this point we need to come up with a term for it. It might make me feel better.

One thing that does make me feel better, that I just touched on in the last paragraph, was the Twins/Royals game last Friday. In about the 7th or 8th inning, Danny's brother David, who was at the game, called to let us know that Baker had a perfect game going. Good to hear. Then, as the 9th was about to start, Dunph calls. "Watching the Twins game?" We are now. I put the phone down, and not 15 seconds later it rings again. Lane this time. After getting off the phone with Lane, Danny and I look at each other and laugh. Everyone who has ever watched a single baseball game in their life knows what's coming next. First batter of the inning: 5 pitch walk. Goodbye perfect game. Two batters later: pinch-hit single. Goodbye no-no. Good times. Gooood times.

NFL preview coming soon...

A Special Edition Top 20

Here's a top 20 we can all (not) agree on: the funniest movies of all time. I based these on a few factors: Quotability: how much I quote these movies, how much they change my everyday speech, etc. Immediate re-watchability: When these movies first come out on DVD, do I immediately wear it out, or do I watch it once then shelve it for months? Long-term re-watchability: Do they hold up over time? Or do they get old to the point where they become un-watchable at a certain point? And lastly and most basic, how much do I laugh when I watch them? The vast majority of the movies I have on my list do not feature intricate plots of subtle humor. I want to be laughing out loud, or "LOLing" throughout the movie. Usually, newer movies, or movies I have seen less, will be rated higher, so I tried to factor in how much I liked the movie at the time it came out, so as to pay proper respect to them. So without further ado:

The Last 5 Out: Baseketball, Austin Powers 2, Dodgeball, Borat, Caddyshack.

20. Wet Hot American Summer Pluses: If you like stupid comedy, this is one for you. A couple of LOL scenes. Paul Rudd. Minuses: A few realllly stupid parts. One of the worst endings ever.

19. Ace Ventura Pet Detective Pluses: When it came out, arguably the funniest movie I had ever seen. Lots of good quotes, changed how we all talked for awhile. Minuses: When it came out, I was like 11. It has not held up very well.

18. Zoolander Pluses: This one sort of started the whole "Frat Pack" with Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, etc. Great movie to watch while hammered. Good quotes. Great re-watchability. The kind of movie where you're always happy when you stumble across it on TV. Minuses: Not many, so I'll say that Ferrell should've been more involved.

17. Superbad Pluses: Great one-liners. The whole sub-plot with McLovin and the cops. Jonah Hill finally gets his shot at headlining a movie. A couple of parts where I am doubled over in laughter. Minuses: A few parts drag. Like the other movies done by this comedy troop (40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up), could be about 20 minutes shorter. I just saw this, so this rating is undoubtedly either too high or too low.

16. Billy Madison Pluses: Adam Sandler in a nutshell. Lots of good one-liners. At the time was a top 5 movie. Minuses: Adam Sandler in a nutshell. Still good, but has fallen a lot for me the last couple years.

15. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Pluses: I can't really say enough about Mike Myers. The Austin Powers movies were a whole new kind of comedy. Dr. Evil is one of the funniest characters ever. Re-watchability is really, really high. Minuses: I can't think of many. The only reason this movie is so low is that all the movies in the trilogy kind of run together for me.

14. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut Pluses: I am a HUGE fan of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. For whatever reason, they own the keys to my comedy car. Great re-watchability. It's getting up on 10 years and I still love this movie almost as much as when it came out. Minuses: Most of the songs are hiiii-larious, but a couple aren't. This movie is dangerously close to a musical.

13. Team America Pluses: Once again, Parker and Stone. Puppets always, always make me laugh. There is lots of blatantly stupid humor, but also legitmately funny, well-written parts too. Maybe the hardest I have ever laughed in a movie theater was during this movie. Minuses: Like South Park, lots of songs. Although pretty much all of these songs are great, especially the montage song. The more I think about this movie, the more I think I have it too low.

12. Big Lebowski Pluses: Hall of Fame performances by Jeff Bridges and John Goodman. Good re-watchability. Great soundtrack throughout. Gratuitous use of swear words, which makes for a great drinking game before kickball. Good minor characters by John Turturro and Steve Buscemi. Minuses: This is easily the worst movie on this list to watch on TV, due to the editing. "You see what happens Larry? This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!" Schneweis will be very angry at this somewhat low rating.

11. Super Troopers Pluses: Immediate re-watchability is through the roof. Tons of good one-liners that become incorporated into everyday speech, to the point that I don't even realize I'm quoting this movie. I loved this movie before it was popular, and got to pimp it to all my friends. In the theater, there was only one other couple in attendance, and they walked out halfway through, and I had to put my foot down with my girlfriend at the time because she wanted to walk out too. Minuses: I haven't watched it recently,and I'm thinking it might fade quite a bit over time. We'll see. Also, I could do without full frontal male nudity.

10. Austin Powers: Goldmember Pluses: We have discussed A.P. already. I chose this one as my favorite maybe because it has more one-liners, or maybe because it's newer. Whatever, they're all awesome. Minuses: Beyonce. She is, by a wide margin, the worst of the Powers' Girls. I could say that some of the running gags get a little old after 3 movies, but they really don't. I wish they would make a 4th movie.

9. 40 Year Old Virgin Pluses: I can't say enough about the first hour and a half. The "You Know How I Know You're Gay?" scene. Paul Rudd. Seth Rogen. Romany Malco (maybe my favorite under-the-radar actor. He is also awesome in the TV show Weeds and the VH1 movie where he plays MC Hammer. If you watch the end credits when they are all dancing, Malco even pulls out the Hammer dance.) If the entire movie was about those guys, this might be top 5. Minuses: The last half hour is pretty much unwatchable for me. I literally shut it off every time with about a half hour to go. As good as the first 75% is, that's how bad the last 25% is.

8. Harold & Kumar Go To Whitecastle Pluses: Tons and tons of re-watchability. Good one-liners. Great soundtrack. The scene where they pick up Doogie Howser is fantastic. Who knew that Van Wilder's assistant and the Asian guy from the MILF scene in American Pie would be so funny? Minuses: Not many of my friends know of or like this movie very much, so I'm usually going it alone on this one. What can I say? This movie just does it for me.

7. Knocked Up Pluses: Awesome one-liners. Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd again. Rogen, in particular, is fantastic. And I don't know if Rudd has done anything I haven't found hilarious. The immediate re-watchability is great; I have seen it 3 times and it's not out on DVD yet. The scene at the dinner table where they talk about Back to the Future. The whole subplot where they make fun of their friend's beard to get him to shave it. Minuses: Basically the exact same drawbacks as 40 Year Old Virgin. Judd Apatow (who wrote and directed both movies), apparently likes to make a great hour and a half comedy, then add another half hour to have a moral/happy ending, which features only a couple of laughs. I won't quite shut off this movie....but it'll be close. Also, there is a deleted scene where Jonah Hill talks about Brokeback Mountain which features the line "I don't need to see Anne Hathaway's tits! I need to see Jake Gyllenhaal on all fours gettin' a mouth full of Ledger!" Here, watch it. This needs to be in the movie. Somewhere.

6. Happy Gilmore Pluses: Great immediate re-watchability. Still holds up over time. Lots of great one-liners, and lots of everyday use one-liners. Julie Bowen in her prime. This movie had a couple effects on society: people calling each other Shooter mockingly, and people trying to hit golf balls like Happy, at least once. The minor characters are unparalleled: the caddy, the crazy fan, the big scary guy, Kevin Nealon as a fellow pro golfer, Ben Stiller as the retirement home director. The fight with Bob Barker= legendary. Even the names are awesome: Happy Gilmore. Shooter McGavin. Chubbs Peterson. Minuses: Horrible on TV. Tons and tons of bloopers/errors. That's about it.

5. Wedding Crashers Pluses: Approximately 38,117 one-liners. Turned the activity of wedding crashing, which everyone can do, into an art form. Vince Vaughn at his best. Some of the funniest stuff was improvised by Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Plenty of eye candy throughout the movie. Great re-watchability. Minuses: The last part drrrraaaagggs. If not for the appearance of Will Ferrell, it would be just about unbearable.

4. Grandma's Boy Pluses: Finally, Adam Sandler's buddies who appear in all of his movies get a chance to make their own. This is pretty much a movie with one one-liner after another. You don't go more than a minute or two, max, without laughing hard. I fell madly in love with Nick Swardson after this movie. The geek from Dodgeball returns to play one of my favorite characters ever: JP, the child prodigy who talks in a robot voice when he's nervous. Jonah Hill, Kevin Nealon, David Spade, and even Diesel (my favorite WWF wrestler when I was 10) have great roles. Re-watchability is ridiculous. This movie holds a special spot in my heart because I introduced it to just about every single person I know before it blew up. Minuses: On the flip side of "discovering" it in my part of the world, now I get mad when I hear random people quoting it, like I own rights or something. Especially when Swardson came to G.F. to do stand-up, and everyone went out to rent it so they knew what he was talking about.

3. Tommy Boy Pluses: Rewatchability. One-liners. Everyday use one-liners. Altered my life when it came out. Chris Farley and David Spade were a pretty much unbeatable team. Absolutely ridiculously funny to a 6th grader. Minuses: I don't know how much of this ranking is me trying to pay homage to my favorite movies growing up or if it's deserved. There are lots of movies I would rather watch on this list right now. It stills holds up pretty well, but the comedy is definitely not as edgy 12 years old.

2. Anchorman Pluses: I can say with a straight face that 95% of everything that comes out of someone's mouth in this movie counts as a one-liner. This movie changed my life more than any other. I regularly talk in an Anchorman tone of voice when being sarcastic now. When it first came out on DVD, St. Aubyn and I watched it probably 25 times the first week. When we were out drinking, we magically morphed into Ron Burgundy and Brian Fantana, to the point where we would piss everyone else off, to which we would reply in some Anchorman line, laugh, and continue on. After a year and a half, I had to get a new DVD because my first one wore out. I don't even know if I can adequately describe how much this movie means to me, and this paragraph is borderline non-sensical, so I'll stop trying. Minuses: The plot really is awful. Just awful. But you're laughing throughout, so you barely have time to realize how dumb it is. Also, is this rating boosted because of memories of St. Aubyn and I acting afool? Probably. I suppose that's part of the ranking system.

1. Dumb & Dumber Pluses: As much as I can go on about Anchorman, Dumb & Dumber was even better. It taught a whole generation of kids about comedy. Rewatchability. Holds up over time. Good from start to finish. One-liners. Everyday use one-liners. Even mannerisms from this movie have become part of my everyday personality. Jim Carrey hitting his ceiling. I can't remember a movie that had more hype right when it came out, and this is when I was 12, before I read things on the internet and things like that. This was the first movie I ever saw twice in the theater, which is big because it was like a week's allowance just to go see it. Minuses: None. I defy someone to find something wrong with Dumb & Dumber.

My brain hurts. Argue away.

Now That We Found Dan What Are We Gonna Do....

The arrival of one Daniel Vincent John Sondreal to the Reserves (I'm still working on a cooler name for our apartment, a la Culligan Manor) has definitely livened up my days, which have almost entirely consisted of job hunting and Madden. Welcome Danny. And wake up soon, I wanna go play.

Due to my recent influx of spare time, I have been able to see quite a bit more of the beloved Sox. By "see", I mean "watch on GameCast while playing Madden." And they have rewarded me by going on a nice little streak, including the 4 game destruction of the ChiSox's pitching staff. I actually got to watch the last two of those games on TV. As Saturday's game reached the 6th inning with both teams combining for just two hits, I was thinking here we go again. A couple hours and 14 runs later, and I was laughing all the way to The Bomb Shelter, a.ka. Lane and Skye's house, where we got innihilated for the second Saturday in a row. After this last week, and even after last night's amazingly predictable loss to the Yanks, I have reached my apex of optimism about the Sox. The bats, which have been mediocre at best in clutch spots, have picked up considerably, as evidenced by the sheer number of 4, 5, or 6 run innings they have accumulated lately. The pitching of Wakefield, and Tavarez in his spot starts has been wonderful. Perhaps most importanly, it looks like the Ortiz/Manny combo is heating up. Even Gagne has settled down. Although I have more confidence in Jon Kitna as my starting fantasy QB than I do in Gagne being reliable in the postseason.

Speaking of fantasy football, as Pauldo has stated on the message board already, why don't they do a serpentine style draft? When Bergman gets both Brees and Tomlinson, Jeff gets both McNabb and Stephen Jackson, French gets both Bulger and Gore, etc. etc. and my team features Brian Westbrook and Jon F'ing Kitna....brutal. Plus both my QBs have the same bye week. So I got that going for me....which is nice. That being said, in retrospect, I would've taken Kitna last year in a second, and avoided the Daunte Culpepper/Byron Leftwich/Damon Huard/David Garrard/Chad Pennington Experience.

I also have gone on a music downloading spree lately, which was must-needed because my current selection was getting a bit stale. Here are some of my favorites****

The WAND- The Flaming Lips
I'm In Heaven When You Smile- Van Morrison
Superhero- Jane's Addiction
Been Caught Stealing- Jane's Addiction
You're My Best Friend- Queen
Shimmy Shimmy Ya- Ol' Dirty Bastard
Generator- The Holloways
Two Left Feet- The Holloways
I Need More Love- Robert Randolph & the Family Band
Touch Me Again- Bernard Pretty Purdie
Dead Reckoning- Clint Mansell (the song from the end scene in Smokin' Aces. No words, but amazing nonetheless)
Heartbeats- Jose Gonzales
Daughter- Loudon Wainwright III

****Keep in mind that the preceding musical recommendations have been given to you by a guy who recently discovered that "Mmmbop" by Hanson has just cracked his top 25 most played songs in his iTunes, and who referenced a Heavy D & the Boyz song for the title of this post. So keep that in mind.

10 Day Report Card

Very quickly, some things I love about Lawrence so far:

• Speed limits. Much faster here than in Grand Forks. Roads that would be 30 in G.F. are 40 here. There are a couple of spots where it is 45 here. In G.F., you basically have to be out of town before you can drive 45 legally. Awesome.


• Prices. I always thought G.F. was cheap, and it is, but after experiencing dollar beers, 35 cent wings, 4 dollar pizza buffets, and 16 dollar 30-packs of Miller Lite in my first week, I realized that Lawrence is probably even cheaper.


• Less unnecessary stoplights. Self-explanatory.


• Downtown. Tons of restaurants and bars, and I might even start getting into the live music scene.


• The Phog. Getting to drive by the Phog once or twice a day while picking up or dropping off Alex is much better than driving by the Ralph. Not to take anything away from the Ralph, which is arguably the nicest arena in the country, but it just doesn't do it for me like The Phog does.

Although I would be remiss if I didn't say that the no drinking rule at the softball complex is horrible. Just horrible. That's taking away roughly 60% of the fun out of softball. Also, I am not a fan of street names changing for no apparent reason. 15th Street becomes Bob Billings; 23rd becomes Clinton Parkway; 31st wraps around and becomes Kasold. Could do without that. But I'm splitting hairs.

Erica And Anthony Weisser

Only five days into our new location, and I already had my first KU player sighting when Lane spotted Brandon Rush at the grocery store last night. That was fast.

Last weekend, right before we moved, we went to Minot for Anthony Weisser and Erica Larson's wedding. It was a perfect send-off, as I got to see a lot of people from all over the country one last time. We also had the whole cast reunited (besides Schneweis) from our infamous Minot trip from 2004, when the Mighty Ducks fake names were born.

This wedding dance went about how someone who knew this group of friends would expect it to go. The highlight came towards the end of the night when Eickman's woman requested Whoomp! There It Is for St. Aubyn and I. For those who don't know, this is the song we have made famous karaoke-style everywhere from Grand Forks from Indianapolis. As we headed for the dance floor, Deuce pointed out that the microphone used during best man/maid of honor speeches was right behind us, and still on. I'll let you figure out where this story is going. To be honest, last night was a bit rough, and I just don't have the creative juices to properly retell the stories from that night, so I'll just put up pictures instead.

Is that St. Aubyn and I, or D.C. the Brain Supreme and Steve Roll'n?

Apparently we had quite a cheering section.

Of course, once everyone else learned there was a microphone available, Austin, T. Nels, Kuntz, and everyone else wanted in on the action. I believe right here we are singing "Afternoon Delight."

...and all this, of course, led to the inevitable taking away of the microphone by Anthony and Erica.

Chelsey's husband Mike was ruining people's pictures all night like it was his job.

Here are Alex, Chelsey, Smapes, and Kristen. This must have been early on in the night because our table is not yet completely covered by drinks.

Deuce, me, St. Aubyn, and Kuntz. Somewhere along the ride we decided it would be funny if we all popped our collars. Ha. Ha. Ha. Kuntz may or may not be shitting his pants when this was taken.