Thursday, October 28, 2010

Pretty Decent

I normally hate email forwards, but I was GMAO (Giggling My Ass Off- I can't Laugh My Ass Off in my office without raising attention to myself) when Noles sent this to me. By the by, I've always thought that Jenn Sterger was kind of a Butterface, but DEFINITELY the kind of girl that you would send a picture of your own dong to. So this whole scandal makes sense to me.

(I'm really hoping that we hear about a text Favre sent to Sterger that says something along the lines of "Hey uhhh I need you to delete that picture of my dick that I texted you the other day. My wife might be looking for it. Huge. Quickly. All right bye." I don't want "huge quickly" jokes to ever go out of style. Ever.)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Nicknames And Such

>> A while ago I bought Tiger Woods '11 for PS3, and when you go to create your golfer, there is a whole list of generic nicknames to choose from, so during your round the gallery can yell encouragement to you. It's a pretty straightforward list, with names like Ace and Shooter and Big Dog....and then there's the nickname 'Hamz'. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. One of my nicknames when I was a kid was Jimmy Hamz (don't laugh, we were in elementary school. Other nicknames included, but were not limited too: 'Jimothy', the less popular 'Jimothy Smoked Ham Slices', 'Jimmy Hommen* with the Wristband!', and 'The Walking Encyclopedia'.)

*Not a typo, it was pronounced to rhyme with Ramen, as in Ramen noodles. Have to ask Jimmy Sang about that one.

I have never, ever ever ever, heard the name Hamz used in real life, besides myself. While I thought it was an incredibly cool nickname in 1992, it's absolutely horrid now- which makes its inclusion in a 2010 video game so bizarre. So now my world is rocked. Is Hamz a common nickname? I feel like Milhouse in that Simpsons episode where he meets the kid from Shelbyville also named Milhouse. "I thought I was the only one?"...."A pain I know all too well!"

It delights me to no end that I can google 'Shelbyville Milhouse' and find, on the first page, EXACTLY the picture I'm looking for. I don't care that Google is taking over the world. If stuff like this is the result, I'm all for it.

>> I don't go out on Halloween anymore. I'm not a big 'wearing a costume at the bar' guy, and at this point would rather sit at home watching scary movies, yada yada yada I've written about it before and won't belabor the point. But, if I was going out this year, I'd definitely be going as the Old Spice Guy. It's quick, easy, you get to pop your shirt off and blast your nips, and I think it's pretty original (although I haven't talked to anyone about their costume so who knows, maybe it's gonna be big this year.) So I pass this idea along to anyone who wants to use it. I think it would be a hit. Just remember to be carrying a bottle of Old Spice body wash, that's what really ties the outfit together.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

>> 6 years ago today, the Red Sox beat the Yankees in game 7 of the 2004 ALCS, otherwise known as the Greatest Day of My Life Up To That Point. I have had a little mini-celebration on this date every year since. Normally, I'd get crush jobbed and re-watch the game on DVD, but I'm on a mini-break from drinking after last weekend, when I inexplicably decided to turn the clock back to 2002 by getting so shitfaced on Friday night that I puked Saturday morning, and then turning around Saturday night and getting so bombed I passed out, mid-sentence, on top of my roommate's covers for five hours (she's a good sport.) Both of those instances hadn't occurred in years. Yikes. So my celebration tonight will be a sober one. If the Rangers want to give me an anniversary present today, they know what to do.

>> Who all has seen Social Network? Is it actually good? I shook my head in mild disgust when I first saw the preview for it, but every single review I've read has said that it's superb. Can anyone confirm that?

>> Internet time-killer of the day:

>> Argument that needs to be settled of the day. J-Woww from Jersey Shore: Hot or not? I say unquestionably yes, in the "trashy, strip-club employed, 20% chance she's actually a dude" kind of way. I think if her boob job was at least one size smaller, and she toned it down with the whole kicking girls' asses thing, she'd be a regular crush job. But I'll listen to arguments.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Abed Doin' Stuff

Last week on Community, the character Abed only had a couple of lines, and was barely involved in the plot. At the end of the episode, they asked him what he had been up to, and he said simply, "Not much." And I thought to myself "Ohhh yeah, he wasn't in this episode at all." But, proving how little attention people pay to the background, he was actually all over the place. I, for one, had no idea this was going on until I saw this youtube clip today (although in my defense, I spend at least 80% of the show either a) ogling Alison Brie, or b) waiting for Alison Brie to be onscreen so I can ogle her some more.)

I love it when movies or shows or video games have hidden stuff like this. Watch the background, but really only if you watched last week's Community, or if you reallllly want to kill 61 seconds out of your day.....otherwise you're not gonna care.

P.S. I know this is a lame cop-out of a post, but life is kicking my ass a lil' bit lately, and I don't have a creative bone in my body (either that, or it's horribly out of place like the rest of my effing back.) I just want to be on my couch plowing through seasons of Mad Men and resting my ailing back, but instead I'm working 50 hours a week, putting in 12-hour drinking sessions on my day off, and driving to and from Kansas City every other day it feels like. No rest for the wicked, I guess. Holler at your boy when you see him in the streets.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My Neck, My Back- My Neck And My Back!

- The USA lost a heartbreaking Ryder Cup to Europe by a single point. The Ryder Cup is my favorite sporting event besides March Madness, so now the depression of not seeing another one for two whole years is setting in. Friggin' Euros have now won 6 of the last 8 Ryder Cups, which coincides perfectly with when I started following golf. It's at Medinah in Chicago in 2012, which means there is a pretty good chance I will be in attendance. (Also, if anyone is unfamiliar with the pressure surrounding this event, watch a clip of Hunter Mahan's chip on 17 in the deciding match. I bet he hasn't done that since he was like 9 years old. Then notice how over an hour later, during the presser, he still was so choked up that he physically couldn't answer questions from reporters, and teammates had to jump in and answer for him. That's why the Ryder Cup is so awesome. I'm still waiting for the year when everybody jumps on the Ryder Cup bandwagon like they did for the World Cup this year. I'm not holding my breath.)

- The Red Sox missed the playoffs for the first time since 2006 (this actually became official a while ago, but the season ended this weekend, so I'm counting it now.) I'm actually pretty proud of the team, to win 89 games with the amount of games the starters missed to injury is absolutely ridiculous. However, no playoffs is no playoffs, and now I have to rely on the Twins again to eliminate the Yankees. ONE TIME, TWINS! ONE TIME.

(One note to my Twins fan friends who talk shit, despite how much I support the Twins- although I like them less and less every year because of people like you: I will trade you payrolls in one second, if it means we can trade divisions too. They forget that the AL East is an arms race, and playing the Yankees, Rays, and Blue Jays 17-19 times apiece, every year, is a tiny bit tougher than the AL Central crapfest. So sorry if our payroll is 161 million. Now go get the Yankees. Do it for all of us.)

- The Titans were televised in Lawrence on Sunday, a rare treat for someone who hasn't splurged on Sunday Ticket yet, but they lost a disappointing game to Denver and dropped to 2-2.

- I had hit the first four games of my five-game parlay on Sunday, and all I needed the Colts to do was win the game outright (not even cover the spread!) and of course Jacksonville kicks a 59-yard field goal as time expires and I lose my chance at $350. Fuck, sometimes I hate gambling. I'm sorry for swearing.

- This isn't really a complaint, since I somehow still managed to win my game with a whopping 57 points, but I'm just throwing this out there: has anyone ever seen somebody win a game with all three of their receivers and tight end getting shut out? Seriously, combined stats for Randy Moss, Santana Moss, Darrius Heyward-Bey (Dwayne Bowe was on a bye) and Owen Daniels: 2 catches, 10 yards. That is ridiculous. Clown shoes.

- The bright spot of my weekend was non-sports related: seeing Vampire Weekend for the first time in Kansas City. Although they're one of my favorite bands, I didn't know how they would translate to a live show- but they were terrific. To quote Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin, I always thought they were a bunch of Streisands, but they were really rockin the shit.

- In other news, for the last month, my neck had been mildly sore every couple weeks or so, but nothing I couldn't ignore for a day or two until it went away. Then, one day last week, I woke up and couldn't move my neck or back. Despite my hatred of going to the doctor (my nose is still totally broken from February) I knew it was the only option. Final verdict: 18 vertebrae out of place. If I'm reading the chart right, the human body only has 24. I only went to one semester of med school though, so I could be wrong there. So basically 75% of my back is fucked up (simplifying the fraction 18/24 down to 3/4, and 3 divided by 4 equals .75, little math for you there.) I've been going to a chiropractor every day for a week, with my only goal to be getting it straight before this Saturday, when Lane and I defend our North/South Cup title against Jud and Wing. Pray for a speedy recovery- or just forget this paragraph immediately after reading it, I'm sure it will turn out the same either way.

(You know why Khia sucks? I mean, among other reasons? The title of this post used to be a funny quote from Friday, where the bum falls in the store and threatens to sue the owner for $150,000 but will settle out of court for 20 bucks. Then Khia made that song about licking her in her swimsuit area, and now you can't throw that quote out there without someone thinking you're singing her song. It's awful. It's like Michael Bolton in Office Space. Why should I change? She's the one who sucks.)