The next few years I watched at other friends' houses, but we still weren't boozing yet, since we were in high school, and despite what shows like Beverly Hills 90210 make you think, parents don't leave town every other weekend.
In college, we invented our Interactive Drinking Game, wherein everybody was assigned an area of the game in which they had to drink during. For example, while there was a man in motion, Z had to be drinking. When the ball was in the air, Ike needed to start chugging until the ball hit the ground (this one was great during long punts or completed long passes.) If a third-and-7 was converted, Nicole had to take seven drinks on behalf of the offense, and Manada would take seven for the defense. And so on and so on and so on. The rules were stretched as far as they had to go; it was pretty awesome when 25-30 people all had something different to drink for. It was great for two reasons: 1) it kept the girls paying attention to the game, rather than chatting about John Mayer's new album, or how the girl Russell took home from El Roco the night before was a total slut, and 2) we got effing drunk. Unfortunately, I took it too far, and I blacked out during the Patriot/Eagles Super Bowl in 2005. I can't really make fun of Donovan McNabb for puking in the huddle during the two minute drill, because I was doing the same thing in the Culligan Manor bathroom.
So for the next few years, I dialed it back. Smaller crew, way less beer, let's just enjoy the game. I take pride in being able to remember every Super Bowl since I was six years old-- 2005 wasn't a good look for me. I even went back to my parents' house for one last Super Bowl with my pops before I moved to Kansas. The first couple years in Kansas was more of the same. We watched at Lane & Skye's or their neighbors, and I probably consumed more food than beer. Your favorite part of the 2009 Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl might be Ben Roethlisberger's unbelievable pass to win the game.....mine was Skye's taco bar.
After a year in Colorado at Sweeney's crib for the Saints/Colts Super Bowl, I'm now in year 4 of our current Super Bowl party in Lawrence, which is probably my favorite out of all of them. There's still amazing food (Hendo's meatballs, Steph's buffalo dip, get at me dawg) and there's still drinking....but there is also an increased emphasis on gambling.
Before the game, everyone fills out a sheet of paper with various prop bets on them, and enters into a competition. A pre-test, if you will. Squares aren't really my bag, too much luck involved...but if you like 'em, we've got 'em. A fantasy draft is set up for some of the participants.
And then there are the dollar bets, tons of them, ranging from "I bet the Ravens pick up a first down on the next play" to "I bet the next commercial shown has at least three black people in it." It's glorious. Dollars for pending bets are placed between the participants, which results in stacks of ones scattered all over the room like it's a counting house for an underground strip club.
And even though each bet is only a dollar, there's plenty of pride involved. Offer up a bet that favors yourself too much, and you'll get crickets, maybe even people making fun of you for trying that crap. Offer up a bet that leans too far the other way, and you're gonna turn the room into the floor of the New York Stock Exchange-- everyone will be calling your bet before you even finish the sentence.
And, of course, there are my prop bets, which is when I basically take a chunk of my online account and flush it down the toilet like it's illicit drugs and the cops are breaking down the door-- only more fun! Here's what I'm throwing it around on this year:
- The coin toss will be tails. Tails never fails, unless I bet on it, and then tails claims a surprisingly disproportionate share of fails.
- Renee Fleming is singing the National Anthem this year. Substitute "Fleming" for "Zellweger" and you've got my feelings summed up here:
But am I still going to bet the over of 2 minutes, 23.5 seconds? Hell yes I am! Last year I bet the under for the first time in my life and lost-- with my baby boo Alicia Keys, no less! It's no fun to cheer for the under on the anthem anyway. Consider my lesson learned.
- The temperature at kickoff is a fun bet this year. We've had a bunch of friendly arguments on whether or not we think a cold-weather Super Bowl is a good idea or not. My thoughts: even as someone who is cheering for the Seahawks, and wants to see Peyton Manning freeze his balls off, maybe get frostbite on his throwing hand, or even get attacked and kidnapped by a wampa on the ice planet Hoth and have to get bailed out by Han Solo........even after all that, I STILL hate that the weather could play a role in the biggest game of the year. It's supposed to be a neutral field, so it should be neutral weather too, in my humble opinion. I'd be OK if they played the Super Bowl in a dome every year. All that being said, do I hope that the kickoff temperature is 35 degrees on the dot? You're fuckin' right I do.
- I'm taking Russell Wilson to score the first touchdown of the game. As I've said before, if you're not using this bet to take a longshot, then you're doing it wrong. And I thought there was great value in longshots this year. Zach Miller at 20-1, Jacob Tamme at 25-1, Doug Baldwin at 18-1....all solid picks, in the "I'll Have Another at the Kentucky Derby" sense. Russell Wilson at 18-1 is also tasty, so like Luniz, I got fiiiiiiive on it. In addition, because my intense hatred of Peyton Manning is clouding my judgement, I will also be placing three small wagers on Richard Sherman, Earl Thomas, and Bobby Wagner, at 100-1 apiece. Throw that pick six, Peyton. You know you want to.
- We're now in year 3 of betting on a Premiere League soccer player scoring more goals than a starting running back has touchdowns. It's come through two years straight now, so you know I'm gonna ride or die with it. However, I'm a bit nervous this year, as the running back is Marshawn Lynch, and the soccer representative is Luis Suarez. I wouldn't know Luis Suarez if he came up to me on the street, bit me, and called me a piece of whitebread honky trash. But when I googled him, the first two results that came up were "Luis Suarez bite" and "Luis Suarez racist." So this bet could have some promise.
- Every year I feel really strongly about a cross-sport bet that never comes in for me, to the point that before last year's Super Bowl I named it "There's No Way This Cross-Sport Bet Can Possibly Lose, So Naturally, There's No Way This Bet Can Possibly Win." There's just one problem: last year, Chris Bosh got absolutely WET, and it ended up being one of the easiest bets I've ever cashed. You know what that means....TRIPLE DOWN, SON! I've got three I like this year:
Dwight Howard will miss more free throws than the number of sacks between both teams.
The Orlando Magic will score at least 24 more points than Demaryius Thomas will have receiving yards.
Kevin Love will have at least 3 more points + rebounds than Montee Ball will have rushing yards.
- The over/under is 28.5 for the number of times Manning yells "Omaha!" at the line of scrimmage I was going to bet on this, until I realized that, with as many people in the room as we're gonna have, it would be difficult to count them as they occurred. Also, I remembered that every time Peyton yells "Omaha" or otherwise audibles, it makes me want to ram an ice pick into someone's brain. So I will be abstaining from this bet. However, for a normal human being, it seems like a fun bet, so I'd recommend it for others.
- As discussed last year, the following is a perfect Tom Sizemore bet. Considering that the temp is probably going to be in the 20's, it's not 1991, and John Frusciante isn't around anymore to supply the heroin before the show, it's probably not smart to think that someone in the Red Hot Chili Peppers will have their shirt off during halftime....but what fun is it to bet the opposite? I want to be screaming for Flea to pop his shirt off and blast his nips like I'm a 45-year-old divorcee at Thunder Down Under. The action IS the juice.
- At 5-1 odds, I'll say that the MVP will thank his family first during his acceptance speech. I hope the MVP isn't Richard Sherman. Who would he thank first? Michael Crabtree, probably?
- At 12-1 odds, I'm betting that win or lose, Peyton retires before next season. We all should be so lucky. Totally betting with my heart and not my head here, FYI.
- I'm going to go ahead and congratulate myself on staying away from bets involving kickers, because I never ever ever ever win those. I can never resist field goal bets; it's always been a Brokeback Mountain, "I wish I knew how to quit you" situation for me. But I've finally let it go this year. If you find me at some point during the game in a closet, tenderly stroking and smelling a Matt Prater jersey and weeping softly, you'll know why. (Was that too detailed of a Brokeback reference for this audience? I felt like it fit pretty well.)
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As for the actual game, which some years I don't even bet on because it's almost irrelevant to me, I'm taking the Seahawks +2.5. Partly because there's no way I can cheer for Manning to win another Super Bowl (is my hatred coming through enough in this post?) and partly because the line opened at a pick 'em, then shot up in favor of Denver because the public is generally stupid, and now it's slowly creeping back towards Seattle, because the sharps are getting involved. That's usually a great sign. Go 'Hawks.
