Friday, May 16, 2014

What's In A Name

Everyone knows I love a good fake name.  I've been rocking Adam Banks as my main alter ego for over a decade now, ever since honeys was wearin' Sassoon.  Long ago, I did a top 5 list on fake names, since I had a few in my arsenal at that point in my life.  It's a useful tool for so many occasions.  When you're out and about in a different city; when you're talking to a girl you think might be juuuust little cray; when you currently have a significant other, but you're just being a good wingman; or when you're out causing shenanigans and maybe you just want to stay off the grid.  Fake names make the world go 'round.  I don't know what my twenties would've been like without them.

However.  I found out the other night that my buddy JDub is currently using MY name as his fake name at the bar, on the occasions that I'm not with him.  He uses just my first name to begin with, which is sorta thoughtful, I guess....but if the person happens to ask for a last name, there it is, sure enough, -PPY, right there on the other cheek.  Putting my first and last name out on the streets like that.  Shit ain't right.

Now it's one thing when I'm in on it, like at Jared and Steph's wedding last fall, when JDub was introducing himself with my name, and I gave him my wedding ring to wear (in retrospect, that night ended up being the genesis of this little game of his, and I played a large role in encouraging it, so the Inception backfired.  I'll accept partial responsibility for that.)  But now, he's running around, spittin' god knows what kind of game at lord knows what kind of dames.  It's OK when I'm the one acting afool-- sniffing random girls' hair, or telling people I'm a consultant from Mercer, Delk & McCarty and I'm interested in purchasing the Woodlands race track, or whatever the case may be.  At least I have creative control in the process.  But by removing me from the equation, basically, he's besmirching my good name in this fine city of Lawrence, Kansas.  I have a wife now.  Kids within the next couple years.  I'm trying to go straight here.  I ain't a businessman, I'm a BUSINESS, MAN.  But now that's been taken out of my hands.  By my so-called buddy.  

With friends like these, who needs enemies?  Not Adam Banks, I can tell you that much.

OK, well maybe Banks' friends don't like him very much, either.  Bad example.