I get why a lot of people hate the Heat. I really do. I've defended them before-- I've gone on record saying that The Decision wasn't nearly the nuclear holocaust that people make it out to be, and some of the more popular reasons to hate LeBron are pretty baseless, in my opinion. However, the whole Welcome Party thing was an absolute embarrassment; Dwyane Wade is a prick; I can think of at least 20 NBA cities whose fans deserve a great team more than Miami's do; LeBron and Wade constantly costing their team points by whining to the refs instead of getting back on defense is out of control; Bosh has become more and more unlikeable as time goes on, etc. etc. So it's cool if you hate Miami and you want the Spurs to win. Completely and totally defensible.
But. BUT. Let's not classify the Spurs as lovable underdogs here. Let's not forget, America, that it wasn't so long ago that we all hated the Spurs.
Tony Parker banged his TEAMMATE'S wife and destroyed two marriages in the process. (Won't somebody think of Eva Longoria?!?!?! What's she supposed to do now? How is she supposed to live?)
Manu Ginobili-- besides leading the Argentinian team that beat Team USA in 2004 and resulted in our only non-gold medal-Olympics since we started using professionals-- is basically the Outbreak Monkey of flopping in American basketball, which we all know is a gigantic problem at all levels of basketball right now. Between Ginobili and Coach K, flopping has increased 720% in the last 20 years (all statistics approximate.) If flopping was the disease from Outbreak, and the NBA was the town of Cedar Creek, Donald Sutherland would be arguing with Morgan Freeman right now over whether or not to proceed with Operation Clean Sweep. Pleeeeeease don't forget this about Manu Ginobili. To paraphrase Billy Madison: Ginobili is a bad, bad man!
After this many years in the league, Tim Duncan is now a Distinguished Professor at I've Never Committed A Foul In My Life University (and I'm the first to admit, Mario Chalmers is currently working on his Doctorate there as well.) Yes, Duncan has had an unbelievable career, is a solid professional and all-around decent guy. I admire him. But when Twitter is blowing up about how he represents everything that is good about the NBA, and LeBron and the Heat are everything that is bad, remember this face:
Or this one....
Or this one....
Or this one....
Or this one....
Or this one....
OK, fine, that last one isn't really Duncan. You got me. But under my Google image search, this picture of Jaromir Jagr came up for some reason, and holy fuck!! Look at that mullet! OK, so anyway.....
I'm not even sure who I'm cheering for tonight. I dislike both teams; I've just been cheering for a great series and a Game 7. So far we've received both, and after Game 6 was one of the greatest games I've ever watched, now I'm gonna get greedy and ask for another instant classic tonight. I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong for hating the Heat....just remember that the Spurs aren't this scrappy bunch of overachievers. (Cue up The Breakfast Club ending.) I see them as I want to see them, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. Between Parker, Ginobili, Duncan, Gregg Popovich, and Danny Green, they are: an adulterer, a flopper, a whiner, an asshole, and one hot-shooting lucky son of a bitch.
Enjoy Game 7.
