After another tournament loss like this, I feel like Lebowski yelling at Walter Sobchak, after Walter inadvertently throws Donny's ashes all over his face. "Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man!" During March Madness, why can't KU just get solidly outplayed and lose by like 8 or something? Why do they either have to lose to a team seeded 8 spots lower than them, or blow a 14-point lead with four minutes left, or go 12-30 from the free throw line and lose the championship by three points, or shoot 23% on layups and dunks and lose an Elite 8 game, or have a Final Four game where they lead by 12, then go down by 20, then cut it to 4, and ultimately lose by 10? Why must it always be a catastrophe?
I was completely prepared for a loss Friday evening. There would have been no shame in losing to a great Michigan team in the Sweet 16, one seed or no one seed. That is a stellar team. But nope, getting straight-up beaten is not the Kansas way. First, your hopes have to be raised up juuuust high enough so that they can shatter when they eventually hit the ground. And what was all that shit about Vietnam, Walter? What the FUCK does anything have to do with Vietnam?
Two other random thoughts:
- When I was younger, one of the biggest things that drove me nuts about Duke was their bench. If you pay attention to these kinds of things (and I know, it says something about me that I do) they always know IMMEDIATELY when a TV timeout is coming. It's like a radar is activated in their brains once the clock reaches under 16,12, 8, and 4 minutes left, because those walk-ons are up and walking onto the court for the timeout before the ref's whistle has even finished blowing. Always drove me crazy. Do they practice that? Does Coach K tell them that their playing time will be determined by who is up and off the bench first for TV timeouts? Is it a required skill to be a walk-on for Duke? Like, when they go in for tryouts, are they expecting to run drills and play pickup games, or does Coach K just go "OK guys, I want you all to sit on that bench over there, and I'm going to start this clock and have it count down to zero. After it goes below 16 minutes, I'm going to randomly blow my whistle, and the first one out of his seat makes the team." ??? Just baffling.
But then I realized that I'm the exact same way when I'm watching a game at a crowded bar, and bathroom lines can be an issue. I'm out of my seat and on my way to the bathroom before CBS even has a chance to play their NCAA basketball jingle and everyone else in the bar knows what's going on, and as a result I never have to wait in line to pee during big games. It's the little things, you know? Holler at me, Duke walk-ons.
- That KU-Michigan game, for Elijah Johnson, was a 10 on the karma scale. EJ gave Mitch McGary a pretty solid tap on the ballsack two minutes into the game (I could write 1,000 words on how and why that was stupid, but I'll just leave it at this) and then he went on to have probably the worst game of his life. You could make a case for one of the worst games in tournament history, once you factor in how it ended. His plus/minus for the game was probably about a -15, and it felt like a -60.
Just off the top of my head (I stayed off of social media for a few days, I haven't watched a highlight, and I haven't been able to bring myself to read an article about the game yet) with KU up 10 with like 90 seconds left, Elijah threw away a pass that lead directly to a breakaway layup for Michigan; got a 10-second violation that led to another basket; missed the front end of a 1-and-1 with 15 seconds left that led to Trey Burke's RIDICULOUS game-tying three pointer at the end of regulation; missed more shots in OT; and after driving all the way to the hoop, down two at the end of OT, for some reason made the decision to throw the ball all the way back out to the perimeter for a contested three-pointer. HOLY SHIT. And the sad part is, because of the nut-punching incident, there is no sympathy for Elijah. He'll go down as probably the biggest goat in KU history, unfortunately. Sad end to a career. Maybe don't hit another player in the swimsuit area next time, dude.
But hey, you know what? It's a beautiful spring day, the sun is shining, I'm getting married in a month....and it's Opening Day! Quick, raise your hand if your man-crush on Jackie Bradley Jr. is bigger than mine. Now everybody put your hands down, mine is definitely bigger.
