Bill Self; the Golden Tee machine in my basement; Jumbo Jenga; Bane's accent in The Dark Knight Rises; the random guy on the internet who records hundreds of basketball games and then sells them for like $3 apiece (what up Rod Phillips, holler at your boy!); Ben McLemore; hanging out and playing cars or watching Thomas the Train with Finn; Nerlens Noel's hair; the Chiefs being so bad that you can buy tickets for $3.95 on Stubhub; 'I'll Have Another' at the Kentucky Derby; this song from 1968 that I didn't hear until this year; and the TV show Workaholics.
But I do have one grievance. Lately there has been a stray cat running around our property, sometimes sneaking into the garage to steal dog food* and even shimmying up a post to our upstairs patio. Teens has taken to calling it 'Mittens' and wants to set out cups of milk and make it a little bed and crap like that. On the flip side of that coin, it's a well-known fact that I hate cats. I'm deathly allergic to them, I hate them, and this particular one is trespassing. It is a trespasser, and it steals things, and I think I even heard it mewing racial slurs the other day. I have named it 'Adidas', because if I ever get close enough, that's what is going to be imprinted in its gut after I boot it out of the garage. We already have rabbits, foxes, possums, and coyotes running around the backyard; to quote one of my all-time favorite Homer Simpson lines, "It's like a freakin' Country Bear Jambaroo around here!" We don't need to add a mangy, almost certainly disease-ridden cat to the mix.
So watch yourself, Adidas the Trespassing Cat....I'm not thankful for you this year.
*To everyone who knows me well and read that sentence and gasped, thinking I finally broke down and bought a dog....no, we don't own a dog. We keep a bag of food in the garage because we dogsit my future brother-in-law's family dog, Bentley, every couple months or so. I'm sure someday we will get a dog (SOMEDAY!) but that day is still a long time away. Fortunately, I already have the name picked out: Doctor Richard Kimble. And I'll train it to be a search & rescue dog, like the kind that tries to find escaped convicts or missing children, and we'll find a scrap of a sweatshirt sleeve that has the scent of a suspected murderer on it, and then I can have an excuse to constantly yell "YOU FIND THAT MAN!" at him. Anyone else want to watch The Fugitive right now? That movie is so awesome.
