Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Top 5. Volume 17.

The Top 5 actor athletes, based on their various roles.

Honorable mention:

Denzel Washington: Jake Shuttlesworth, He Got Game

He's really only on here for this one movie. Denzel was a good coach in Remember the Titans, but I didn't count coaches for the purposes of this top 5. Besides being one of my favorite movie characters of all-time (if not THE favorite-- my email address in high school was jakeshuttleworth@hotmail.com, real talk yo) there is a Hollywood legend that for Denzel's big one-on-one game with (NBA star) Ray Allen at the end of the movie, director Spike Lee just rolled a ball out there and said play, figuring Ray-Ray would destroy Denzel and give him the desired 11-0 game he wanted for the script. Instead, Denzel scored the opening few baskets and started trash-talking, then Ray got pissed, beat Denzel down, and made for a much better ending. Don't know if that's true, but that plus my love for his character is enough to get Mr. Shuttlesworth an honorable mention.

Jamie Foxx: Willie Beamen, Any Given Sunday

He gets an honorable mention just so I have a convoluted reason to bring this up: when we were kids, Bergman and I played extensively with Starting Lineups-- creating our own players, teams, leagues, and playing out entire seasons. I've got folders full of papers in my old bedroom at my parents' house to back up the level of absurdity we took it to. Anyway, one of my imaginary all-pro cornerbacks from the imaginary Penn Blue Bombers was imaginarally named Willie Beamon, so it pissed me off when Any Given Sunday came out and they used that same name. Also, I had a team in the league named the Dallas Desperados, and my logo was EXACTLY the same as the Arena League team created over a decade later. I'm a little bitter about it. If I would've understood copyrights when I was in 2nd grade, I'd be paid in the shade right now.

Omar Epps: Replacement Willie Mays Hayes in Major League 2, Darnell Jefferson in The Program, Quincy McCall in Love & Basketball

Gets mentioned because he was a solid athlete....misses the top 5 because he wasn't the REAL Willie Mays Hayes (see below) and Love & Basketball was a big-time chick flick.

Woody Harrelson: Billy Hoyle in White Men Can't Jump, Roy Munson in Kingpin

Probably could've made the top 5, but I decided that if I included bowling, then I'd have to include Bill Murray, only because he stole that movie as Ernie McCracken (is there a more fun nickname than Big Ern?) and then I'd be trying to count his roles in Caddyshack and Space Jam in order to sneak him into the top 5 somehow. It just opened up a can of worms that didn't need to be opened. ANYWAY, Woody was pretty solid in White Men Can't Jump, and the same logic he uses in dressing like a nerdy white guy in order to hustle the hustlers at the playground is the same logic that helps me put my headband on before basketball games with pride.

Adam Sandler: Happy Gilmore in Happy Gilmore, Bobby Boucher in The Waterboy

Personally, I hated The Waterboy, except that it gave us one of the best insults ever to throw at a buddy (Needledick.) But Happy Gilmore was awesome enough to get him an honorable mention by itself.

Top 5:

5. Wood Harris: Motaw in Above the Rim, Julius Campbell in Remember the Titans

Two characters that couldn't really be any different from each other, both played to perfection by Mr. Harris. One is a gun-toting gangster that runs with Tupac's team in the All-City tournament and shoots opposing players after a loss (aka "take care yo' bid'ness") and the other is a high school football player who plays a prominent role in integrating the black players onto an all-white team during the Civil Rights Movement. Both totally awesome in their own way. LEFT SIDE! STRONG SIDE!!!





4. Mike Vitar: Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez in The Sandlot, Luis Mendoza in Mighty Ducks 2 and Mighty Ducks 3

When I made this list, I couldn't really decide if I should make it based on how much I enjoy the characters and the movies, or on how much of an athlete the actor really is...so I ended up with a mixture of both. If it was just based on the awesomeness of the movies, Vitar wins #1 in a landslide. The Sandlot and D2 are two of my favorite childhood sports movies. (For the ladies: Jillian the Roommate thinks Benny the Jet was SUPER hot, and is disappointed by how he looks now that he is grown up. I'm not normally in the business of rating middle school boys by their looks, but I guess I just don't see it. Also, he wears jeans in the swimming pool.) In any event, he gets the 4 spot, even if that puts us in the biggest pickle any of us had ever seen. (See what I did there?)





3. Sylvester Stallone: Rocky in Rocky I-VI, Capt. Robert Hatch in Victory, Lincoln Hawk in Over the Top

Including Over the Top is a stretch, I know....but ol' Rambo is fantastic (if slightly hard to believe) in Victory, and frankly, Rocky is a strong enough character to merit top 5 inclusion by himself. Also, have you seen Over the Top? If not, you should. It's about arm-wrestling for your estranged son's love, and things of that nature.





2. Kevin Costner: Crash Davis in Bull Durham, Roy McAvoy in Tin Cup, Billy Chapel in For Love of the Game

Costner rates a little high because Tin Cup is one of the best movies to get drunk to that ever existed, and because he is a pretty believable baseball player, both as a pitcher and a catcher. He also receives bonus points for Field of Dreams. He wasn't really an athlete in that movie, per se, but that was definitely the best game of Father/Son catch EVER.




1. Wesley Snipes- Trumain in Wildcats, Willie Mays Hayes in Major League, Sidney Deane in White Men Can't Jump, Bobby Rayburn in The Fan, Monroe Hutchen in Undisputed

Gets the #1 spot because of his versatility (baseball, basketball, boxing, football, and baseball/basketball/hockey/rollerblading/hoverboarding/whatever you classify Futuresport as.) Also, if Costner gets points for Tin Cup being a good boozing movie, then Snipes gets even more points for Major League, which is probably one of my top 5 favorite drinking movies ever (a list for another day.) Gangel and I were suffering through Hall of Fame hangovers the last time we boozed together, but we threw in Major League, and as soon as the Indians started putting it together and making their run for the pennant, tops were flying off of beers. Say hey!