{A special thank you to the other members of the Research & Development Team: JDub, Hendo, and Double D. Emails, texts, live discussions, jokes like "Yeah, I'd like to show her my long program"....really a lot of hustle. Also, I suppose a shout-out to Teens is due, since she sits and listens patiently as we hammer Gin & Rockstar out of mason jars and debate the physical merits of other women for ridiculous amounts of time.}
Ashley Wagner, USA, Figure Skating
She's definitely not as good-looking as the rest of the bunch, and I've definitely had to spend some time defending this pick, but what can I say? Her saucy attitude just does it for me. She's constantly flashing "Come here and get some, I'll let you put it anywhere" eyes at the judges and audience; she performs her routines to Pink Floyd songs; and she gives quotes like "I'm a woman and I know what I want" during interviews, apropos of nothing. She has more than a little Tonya Harding in her, and I'm not gonna front, 11-year-old Jum had some moments with Tonya. She was sorta hot in a white-trash, "I bet I could get an old-fashioned from that chick as long as I took her to Arby's for dinner first" kind of way. I'm babbling.
Tessa Virtue, Canada, Figure Skating
And on the flip side of that coin is my favorite athlete to come out of Canada since Andrew Wiggins (I know that's not very long ago, but still.) Virtue reminds me of a nerdy drama girl from high school who grew up and got smoking hot, and takes great pleasure in lording it over all the now overweight-and-balding jocks as they trip over themselves trying to hit on her at the 10-year reunion. You can look, but you're absolutely not going to touch-- but while you're at it, sure, I'd love it if you bought me a drink! Vodka cran, please.
Anna Sidarova, Russia, Curling
Choosing my favorite Russian curler is kinda like choosing what flavor of Hot Pocket I'm going to eat for lunch. There's really no wrong selection, and I usually have an erection while trying to decide.
Torah Bright, Australia, Snowboarding
Snowboarders get bonus points because they just seem so low-maintenance. You probably wouldn't even have to be that great of a boyfriend; it wouldn't take more than a small gesture to get them stoked or amped or geeked or whatever about the relationship. Probably not a lot of knock-down, drag-out fights over stupid things, either. Besides the potential argument when you forgot to pick up more Mountain Dew on your way home from work, it would all be pretty chill, I imagine. They're just tryin' to have a good time, maaaaaaan.
Linn Haug, Norway, Snowboarding
My thought process when I first started reading her bio:
AHHH! She wasn't born until 1990! This got creepy quick. Well, more creepy than it already is.
Wait. 1990 means she's almost 24 years old.
Holy hell, am I getting old.
Anna Fenninger, Austria, Alpine Skiing
I had a tough time selecting a photo for Ms. Fenninger, to be real honest with you. Blonde, brunette, dolled-up, bundled up in winter clothes, covered in leopard skin body paint.....she's versatile.
All these women may not have medaled in Sochi....but they all deserve gold medals in my book.
