I've mentioned before how I have horrible luck when it comes to concerts. I don't like many current bands enough to see their shows in the first place, and when they do come to town, I'm randomly out of town for something else.
And so it almost came to pass again this upcoming weekend; Robert Randolph & the Family Band, one of my favorite bands on the planet, was inexplicably coming to Teens' hometown of Paola the same weekend we were supposed to be in St. Louis. Luckily, Easy E, LZE, and BroMo were all flexible on their days off, and we're going to be able to squeeze both in.
It's not absolutely ideal; in a perfect world, I'd be able to plant myself in my lawn chair, listen to the opening bands, drink somewhere between 13-16 beers, get my face rocked off by Big Show Bob (copyright Gangel) spend about $21 on chili cheese fries for a bedtime snack**, pass out at my mother-in-law's house, and sleep as late as I possibly could. Roots Fest 2013!!! Show us your tits!!!
Instead, Teens and I have to wake up early the next day to drive to St. Louis, and will still have an entire weekend of attending Cardinals games and golfing and boozing, so we'll want to keep the hangover minimal.
However, here's why I can't complain: there is no way that Robert Randolph should even be playing this concert. If you look at the tour dates, it goes something like:
Washington, DC
Boston
Chicago
PAOLA, KS
Chattanooga
Nashville
St. Paul
You tell me which one doesn't fit. To whomever in Paola has incriminating photos of Randolph and blackmailed him into playing Roots Fest....I'm forever in your debt.
Now, if they would just call me onstage to sing Danyel's parts in 'I Need More Love', followed by Robert telling me he's never heard anyone hit those notes as well as I just did, and inviting me to finish out the tour with them, as per my longtime fantasy, then this will be the greatest concert EVER.
**The best part of Roots Fest (besides it being a BYOB event, um YES this cooler is just for my beer, go get your own) is the food. My goodness, the food. It's set up in the town square, which as I've described before, is straight out of Back to the Future or Gremlins or something. On one street is the stage. The North and South sides are lined with t-shirt/souvenir vendors and the BBQ teams who are there to participate in a BBQ competition.
And then on the fourth side, the street is lined with food carts containing various culinary delights. I call it Fat Kid Alley. As soon as we arrive, the first thing I have to do is go on a scouting mission, so I can plan out all my meals and snacks for the day. "OK, we're going to start out with a burger and some jalapeno cheese sticks for lunch. Mid-afternoon snack, I'm feeling some wings. Dinner will be the giant turkey leg, and what the hell, let's throw in a taco salad. I'll crush some cinnamon sticks at some point in the evening, and the nightcap is ALWAYS the chili cheese fries."
Even with the small town festival prices, I still managed to spend something like 60 bucks in 2011. Just obscene.
Honestly, I would write more, but I just worked myself up into a frenzy and I have to go eat right NOW. My stomach has a huge erection right now, and I think I just drooled into the M key on mmmmy keyboard, it seemmmmmms a bit sticky.
