Easy E: I really need to get some background info on (slightly controversial topic X amongst our friend group) right now, so when I get all hammered at Bonspiel this weekend, I'm not texting and calling the wrong people trying to find out about it.
Me: Yeah dude, I'm really glad I've never been a drunk dialer like you.
Easy E: To be fair, I've been a LOT better these last couple years.
Me: This is true, you're much better than a few years ago, when you'd have a few beers and immediately start scrolling through contacts and blowing everyone up.
Easy E: I just never know if it's completely out of my system though, you know? I'm like Ron Artest or something.
Me: Exactly! You might've changed your name to Metta World Peace....but nobody's going to ever forget that day that you charged into the stands and attacked fans.
Editor's note: later that night, Easy E texted me at 4:15am, all casual, like we had been talking all night, like I hadn't already been asleep for four hours. Looks like James Harden got in the way of Metta World Peace's elbow.
