Friday, November 9, 2012

Mourning The Beard



Sooooo James Harden got traded to Houston by Oklahoma City.

I'm a little bit behind with this post, since I was trying to not have a knee-jerk reaction to the trade, and wanted to analyze it without being biased by the glass case of emotions I was trapped in for the first few days after the trade.  And what I've found is that it still sucks.  Big time.  As I thought about it more and more, it surprised me how bummed I am by the trade.

So I constructed a scale, from lowest to highest, on the levels of heartbreak when a favorite player/coach leaves a favorite team:

1.0- The guy who you loved at one point, but then he either sucked, or his personality pissed you off, or both....you're basically saying "Good riddance" as he walks out the door.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES:  Roger Clemens, Vince Young, Nomar Garciaparra, Grady Little.





2.0- One-and-dones in college basketball.  You don't really hate them, and there wasn't really enough time to get too attached....but there is some bitterness about them leaving so soon.  Like a girl who you take out on one date, and then she immediately stops returning your calls.  Oh, really?  A free dinner and two hours of conversation, and you've already decided you're too good for me?  FINE, YOU'RE A BITCH ANYWAY AND NOT EVEN THAT GOOD LOOKING AND I BET YOU DIE ALONE.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES:  Xavier Henry, Josh Selby.




3.0- The guy who was great while he were there, but there just wasn't really enough time for him to become one of your absolute favorite players.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES:  Jason Bay, Adrian Gonzalez, Victor Martinez, Adrian Beltre.  (Although there was this routine with Martinez and Beltre, which was hilarious, and makes me a little wistful for the days when the Red Sox had a little something called "team chemistry.")




4.0- The guy who you loved, and you hated to see him leave, but it was directly after a championship, so all negative feelings are basically disallowed.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES:  Derek Lowe, Mario Chalmers, Brandon Rush, Darrell Arthur.  The quote that I'll probably always remember:  We've just finished partying downtown after KU won the title in '08, and we're back at Kyle's place, to have more beers and immediately re-watch the game (not much sleep that night).  I was already looking ahead to the next year, bemoaning the fact that we were probably going to lose a bunch of guys early to the NBA draft, and Kyle looked at me, incredulous, and exclaimed, "Who the fuck cares, dude?  We just won the championship!"  Completely changed my outlook on things.




5.0- The guy who is no longer productive/worth the money to pay him-- but you hold no ill will, you'll mainly remember the good times. 

PERSONAL EXAMPLES:  Eddie George, Haywood Jeffires, Pedro Martinez, Jeff Fisher.  We'll see if Josh Beckett ends up here.  For now, Beckett is probably closer to an 8.0.  Also, look for Chris Johnson to be on this list somewhat soon- if not next year, then for sure the year after.




6.0- The guy who broke your heart when he left, but subsequent events have lessened the blow.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES: 

- Wade Boggs (he ended up being a giant cockbag after he went to the Yankees)

- Julian Wright (my second favorite KU player ever, but we won the title the year after he left)

- Roy Williams  (obviously he used to be a 10.0 on this scale, but since we beat the shit out of Carolina in the '08 Final Four, won the title, and then beat him again in the Elite 8 last year....I just can't hate him anymore.  I also didn't anticipate that Bill Self would become the greatest college basketball coach in the country, so that helps too.  Nothin' but love, Ol' Roy).




7.0- The guy who left somewhat unexpectedly, but understandably.  Most times you can't really be mad at them, it wasn't really their fault, but damn, it still would've been awesome if they had stayed.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES: 

- Terry Francona (run out of town, fuck you Boston ownership + media)

- Steve McNair (run out of town and later murdered, fuck you Tennessee ownership + media + crazy ex-mistress)

- Marcus & Markieff Morris (there was no way to tell at the beginning of the year that they would blow up like that and become lottery picks...they had to leave for the NBA when they did, but damn, considering KU only had 6 legitimate Division I players last year and still went to the title game....we probably could've used the Morris Twins).





8.0- The guy who you don't want to leave, no matter the circumstances.  YOUR BOY.

PERSONAL EXAMPLES: 

- Warren Moon (there was the crazy playoff game against the Bills where the Oilers blew a 35-3 second half lead and lost, then the next year Moon led them to the best record in the AFC, but Joe Montana and the Chiefs came into town and upset them in the playoffs, then WHAM!  Moon gets traded to the Vikings, see ya later.  That sucked.)

- Manny Ramirez (who did about everything short of stabbing a homeless person on his way to getting run out of town-- and I think even if he would have knifed Ol' Johnny AlleyDumpster, I still would've been calling for the Red Sox to pick up the team option on his contract for the next year.  There is almost literally nothing that Manny could do that I wouldn't forgive him for.  I think they could announce that Manny shot JFK, made the decision to keep the troops in Vietnam way too long, AND was responsible for 9/11, and I'd be like "Well, yeah, but he absolutely murders left-hand pitching, is an RBI machine, and is probably the greatest hitter in postseason history, whaddya want from him?")




9.0- The guy who was responsible for your love of the entire team.  I'm pretty much making up this category for Harden.  He doesn't quite fit in 7.0- even though this is mostly OKC's fault, and they should've just paid Harden his money, it's not quite that simple, since Durant, Westbrook, and Ibaka all sacrificed money to stay, and Harden had previously announced (multiple times) that he would do the same.  He's not quite 8.0 either, since this goes beyond just liking the player.  We'll get back to Harden.


10.0-  Your favorite guy going to the hated archrival.

PERSONAL EXAMPLE:  Only one.  Johnny Damon going to the Yankees.  Nothing will ever be on this level for me again.  I was in shock for days when it happened, even seven years later I still can't really believe it happened, and I will never fully trust athletes again because of it.




So back to Harden....

I already knew that he was my favorite non-Jayhawk college basketball player ever, and the reason I officially jumped on the OKC bandwagon immediately after the 2009 draft, but I kinda assumed that after three years of serious fandom, I was equally attached to the rest of the team.  I was a full-fledged NBA fan again, after years of half-assing it.  (Tangent:  when I announced that Teens and I were engaged, my friend Steph was in the middle of a fe-mance with Teens (or whatever the girl version of a bromance is).  Steph squealed in delight and asked if I thought she would be one of Teens' bridesmaids, to which I replied "What?  You guys have only known each other for like three months!"  To which Steph replied, deadly serious, "Well, yeah.....but it's been a GREAT three months.")  OKC has only been my team for three years....but it's been a GREAT three years.

So now with Harden gone, what's left?  I love Nick Collison, obviously....I've always loved watching Durant, even when he was playing for Texas and dropping 25 points in the first half at Allen Fieldhouse against KU....I've come to enjoy Maynor and Ibaka and kinda Westbrook....but does that make a favorite team?  Not really.  Do I cheer for the Rockets now?  Harden, Marcus Morris, Cole Aldrich, and enjoyable characters like Jeremy Lin and Chandler Parsons?  Go back to the Knicks, and pretend like I didn't ditch them six years ago?  I have no answers.  So now I'm an NBA orphan again, with nobody to really cheer for.  Which is why, for now, Harden is at a 9.0 on my scale.  This isn't just about the Oklahoma City Thunder; it's about the entire league.  He hasn't quite killed the NBA for me, but he has definitely kidnapped it and tied it up in his basement.  And his ransom demands aren't being met, so he's debating whether or not to just finish the job, dump the body, and get out of town before the cops get too close. 

You know what I mean.