"Dude, I dunno....seems like a stretch to take Percy Harvin right here...."
"I don't think it's too early at all, Jum. We're a PPR league-- wide receivers are grossly over-valued right now."
"Yeah, but Harvin? Is he even that good?"
"I've got him as a top-15 receiver on my big board. Did you know that over the last ten games of last year, he was the #1 targeted wide receiver in the NFL- by a huge margin, too! Something like 110 targets! I don't have my Snap-n-Learn Counting Elephants in front of me or anything, but that's like 11 targets per game!"
"Yeah, targeted by Christian Ponder..."
"Targets are targets, bro! Yeah, Ponder sucks, but I could be the one throwing to him- and remember, I'm not even 100% sure on whether I'm right or left-handed at this point, I can barely hold onto a fork, and it's still considered a success when I don't go to the bathroom in my pants- but if I was throwing to Harvin as much as Ponder does, he would still be good for at least 4-5 catches and 70 yards a game."
"Yeah, maybe...."
"And we've already got Andre Johnson and Jimmy Graham! Harvin just has to be our third-best receiver and we're set!"
"I don't think a Vikings wide receiver has ever worked out for me, though...remember the Randy Moss debacle?"
"Don't forget about the random handoffs and reverses they call for him, that's usually good for another 20 yards a game, maybe a touchdown here and there..."
"I've only got 10 seconds left to pick! What about Hakeem Nicks? Pierre Garcon maybe? I'm panicking here!"
"Percy Harvin, bro. Do it."
~click~
"Ok. Harvin. Got him. Gimme some dap, Finn."
"I'll knucks to that, duder. Hey, pass me a beer real quick, Mom and Dad aren't looking."
"You know I can't do that!"
"Hey, John Cougar MellenBummer- how are you gonna bring Mich Golden over to MY house and not even offer me one? I'm friggin' coughing up sand over here. C'mon, just one beer."
"Not 'til you're 14."
