Since 2007, I have attended 24 Royals games at Kauffman Stadium. Their record in those games: 2-22 (with both wins coming against the Red Sox, typically.) It's a crazy statistical anamoly, of which I've never attempted to profit from-- until tomorrow. We'll be in attendance tomorrow evening, and my gambling account, which usually sits dormant and neglected during the summer months, will be fired up, and I'm going to load up on the visiting Cubs. It's time for this weird losing streak at Kauffman to fill my pockets with more than just unwanted Willie Wilson bobbleheads and dried splatters of chili cheese fries.
HOWEVER.
This is not my first rodeo; I'm well aware of what I've just done (fellow gamblers are nodding their heads in agreement already.) Simply by writing the previous paragraph, I have invited the Gambling Gods into the fray. The same Gambling Gods who are notoriously fickle, and take serious offense at any mention of a "sure thing." The same Gambling Gods who allowed George Mason to go to the Final Four in 2006. The same Gambling Gods who allowed the Giants to knock off the unbeaten Patriots in the Super Bowl in 2008. The same Gambling Gods who gave Buster Douglas the strength to TKO the previously invincible Mike Tyson. I could go on forever, but we're all aware of Gamblor and the Gambling Gods' work. It's an impressive resume.
So now we get to find out which is stronger: Jum's "I Have Never Seen The Royals Beat A Single Major League Team Besides The Red Sox" jinx, or Gamblor's "Go Ahead And Get Cocky About This Bet- I Fucking Love It When You Do That" jinx.
I envision it being an epic battle of extremely similar skills, like when Ken would fight Ryu in Street Fighter, or Sub-Zero against Scorpion in Mortal Kombat, or even Obi-Wan vs. Anakin Skywalker (the young version, before he got put in the Darth Vader clown suit and Obi-Wan was rolling with a defective lightsaber.)
In any case, as with most trivial things that have little bearing on real life but I still love to make a big deal about, I'm excited for the result. To all my buddies who like to roll the dice a little bit, or those whose gambling accounts are feeling a little lonely without the NFL or NCAA basketball, or even those of you whose bookie is not accepting bets right now because of non-payment on their account, join me in this quest to determine which Gods are stronger. I'm channeling my inner Cyrus right now:
Happy Friday. Caaaaaaaan youuuuuuuuu dig iiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!
