There was some mild confusion a few weeks ago when, talking to some non-Kansas friends, I used the term 'crush jobbed' to describe being hammered. The term was born a few months ago, when my buddy Munch (so nicknamed because of his love for Law & Order SVU and Detective Jerry Munch) texted me to see what I was doing. I replied, somewhat boozily: "gettin' crush jobbed at Sandbar." Munch found this hilarious, spread it around to our mutual friends, and his other friends, and boom- a new phrase was born. Since that day, my borderline blacked-out, nonsensical text has grown to mean a few different things:
1. To be severely drunk; to be within or nearing the blacked-out range.
Example: "We went to the Outhouse last night, rolled in a cooler full of Natty Ice and $8 champagne. Got completely crush jobbed. Woke up the next morning on the sidewalk outside the Salvation Army with one shoe missing, no shirt, and buffalo sauce smeared all over my chest. I think I fistfought a stray dog at some point. Damn I love BYOB strip clubs."
2. A very good-looking woman. A step below a 'Smoke Show', but a step or two above a 'Bang Maid.'
Example: "How 'bout that girl over in the corner? Anastasia? You get a dance from her yet? You wouldn't believe the things she can do with both hands tied behind her back- what a crush job she is. Damn I love BYOB strip clubs."
3. A very long and straight tee shot on the golf course.
Example: "You only had 185 yards in for your second shot on #17? That's a par 5! Crush job, dude. Hey, you wanna go to the Outhouse later tonight? Damn I love BYOB strip clubs."
Also, when writing this post, I checked for 'crush job' on urban dictionary, and sure enough, there was this entry:
The act of crushing a man's testicles to give yourself or the recipient immense sexual pleasure. Nutcrackers and cymbals may also be used if the "CJer" cannot execute the technique properly. WARNING!!! One can be involuntarily crushed by having sexual intercourse with a woman weighing over five hundred pounds.
Needless to say, that is NOT my intended meaning. And I'd love to meet the man who receives immense sexual pleasure from getting his balls (singular in my case) crushed by nutcrackers and cymbals.
So go ahead and use it if you want. It's sweeping the nation. And by nation, I mean a small group of dudes in Lawrence, Kansas. Same thing, really.
