Our generation is growing generally douchier by the year. Can you imagine bouncing your grandkid on your knee and telling him about your life? Here's three scenarios where our grandparents earn infinitely more respect than we will......
1. Love & romance/"how I met your mother" stories:
2010 example: Well, your grandmother and I grew up next door to each other. Our houses were the only farmsteads for miles in any direction, and so we spent almost every minute of our childhood together. We had our first kiss at age 14, and eight months later we were married. We dropped out of high school to start up the family business, and we haven't spent a night apart in 58 years now.
2060 example: So, we're at this dance club one night. I see this girl wearing a REALLY low-cut shirt- your grandmom had a fantastic rack back in the day- and I just had to grind on her for a little bit. After I bought her a bunch of jag bombs and we made out on the dance floor, we started talking, and she was super annoying. Dumb as a box of rocks. Plus, by this time, I really wanted to bang her friend (who I later found out was actually her sister- and also, that I HAD already banged her, at some party a few years earlier, but really, I'm supposed to remember every single girl I've ever smashed?) So after hitting the Taco Bell drive thru, I end up taking her back to my place, cause fuck it, you know? She was the best available that night, plus I get really horny after I eat a couple of Crunchwrap Supremes. Don't ask me why. We did it a few times, she left in the morning, and I gave her a fake phone number. She actually got my email address from the school directory to get in contact with me (turns out she had a pregnancy scare and she wanted me to know it was possibly mine) but it turned out to be a false alarm. We bumped into each other a couple of months later at a frat party, and we banged a few more times over the next couple of weeks. Soon after, she got thrown out of her apartment for not paying rent, so I let her crash at my place for awhile. One thing led to another, and the rest, as they say, is history. Speaking of, have you talked to your Grandmom lately? Is she still dating that aerobics instructor, Brad or whatever? That guy is such a douche. Man, that divorce killed me financially, I'm still paying out the nose for that.
2. Social media/"whatever happened to that person?" stories?
2010 example: Rose McDonald? My, my.....now that's a name I haven't heard for a long time. We were pretty hot and heavy for a while there, then I got shipped off to Normandy to fight those damn dirty Nazis. She saw me off that day, promised me she'd wait for me as long as it took. She stood on the pier and waved goodbye to me....and that was the last I ever saw of her. She sent me a Dear John letter about three weeks later, and I haven't spoken to her in 67 years now. Rose McDonald....I hope she's doing well.
2060 example: Tiffany Kelly? Yeah we used to be friends with benefits just after college. What is she doing now? Well, let's see......she spent some time in the Florida Keys this summer, I was creeping on some of her pictures on Facebook of her with her grandchildren on summer vacation....damn, she's aged horribly. And according to her twitter, she is "sitting on the porch, enjoying a nice cold iced tea." Sooooo yeah, that's what she's up to, at least as of 18 minutes ago. I'm pretty sure she sent me a booty text a couple weeks ago, but I deleted her number, so I'm not positive it was her. It definitely resembled her style of booty texting though. Spelling and grammar mistakes fucking everywhere. Tiffany Kelly....god she loved to put out.
3. Music/"what did you listen to when you were young?" stories
2010 example: I still remember when my dad, your great-grandfather, brought home our first radio. The whole family gathered around in the living room and listened. At first you could hardly believe that there were voices coming out of that magic box, but soon we grew accustomed to it, and I spent hours sitting in front of the radio, just listening. Duke Ellington, Bing Crosby, Dizzie Gillespie....they were all there. You could actually feel the birth of the music scene, almost literally overnight. It was just an exciting time to be alive.
2030 example: My friends and I were living out of a van in 1969, just kinda hanging out and following The Grateful Dead around the country as they toured, and yeah, there was a fair amount of drugs involved- that was the era, you know. Anyway, we heard about this new concert called 'Woodstock'; we didn't know much about it, but we figured hell, we don't have anything else to do this month- let's drive to New York. So we went, and it turned out to be the greatest three days of my life. Janis Joplin, The Who, CCR, Hendrix.....they were all there. You could actually feel the music scene change, almost literally overnight. It was just an exciting time to be alive.
2060 example: Did you know that MTV used to actually play music videos? Yep, 'MTV' actually stands for Music Television. Bet you didn't know that, huh? This guy named Carson Daly had this show, we used to race home from school every day to watch it. People from all over the country would vote on what videos they wanted to see, and Carson would play them for us! Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Limp Bizkit, NSYNC....they were all there. You could actually feel the music scene change, almost literally overnight. It was just an exciting time to be alive.
***************
Although, by 2060, our grandkids will probably be booting black tar heroin and having unprotected sex by 4th grade, so this might not turn out to be such a big deal.
