The douche-tastic craze that has been sweeping the nation the last couple of months has finally made its way to my group of friends. And we've been douching it up appropriately.
Here are the basic rules, for the people who haven't heard of this yet (normally I'd make a "have you been living in a cave?" joke here, but a surprising number of people at softball the other night had no idea what this game was all about, so maybe it's not as big as I thought): if a bro presents another bro with a Smirnoff Ice, no matter where he is, he must immediately drop to one knee and chug the bottle. The only way to avoid drinking the Smirnoff is if the icee "blocks" it by having a Smirnoff on him, in which case the original icer must then drink two. And yes, this results in grown men walking around with Smirnoffs in their pocket, just in case one of their buddies tries to ice them. I never said this game wasn't ridiculous.
There are variations to the game that make it more interesting. While you can simply walk up to a bro and hand him a Smirnoff, the fun comes with the creativity. Hiding it in their shower, or a kitchen cabinet, or their car, only to have them randomly stumble across it during their everyday activities, that's where it stops being polite and starts being real. And apparently this game really is all over the place. I've read articles about bosses on Wall Street icing their employees, then giggling and taking pictures as their employee chugs the bottle (apparently the employee handbook's policy on drinking during work hours goes out the window when bros are icing bros.)
My only wish was that this game existed back in the Culligan Manor days. Things would've gotten out of control....well, as out of control as a bunch of dudes drinking Smirnoff can get. With the rules we had in that apartment for doing laps for every four text messages we sent/received, and the safety/stroller game, and the Katoosh game.....hell, we even had a Culligan Manor Charter that laid out every other stupid rule we had- needless to say, we would have been alllll over 'Bros icing Bros.' The shenanigans would've been endless. After a while, we probably would've just got together every morning before class, said 'fuck it', and each chugged a six-pack of Smirnoff, just to save us the trouble.
I watched some videos of bros icing bros on the interwebs, hoping to find some funny stuff, but they were mostly awful, and really reminded me how at its core, this is a really douchey game, played by mostly douchey guys. Douche douche douche. To be honest, 95% of the videos just made my soul hurt. But I did find this one, which is hilarious for two reasons: 1) I love a good movie reference, and 2) for me, getting iced is all about going over the top and yelling and making bad 'iced' puns with your bros after you ice them. This video really emphasizes that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the liquor store to pick up a six-pack of Smirnoff. I'm gonna take a vacation day tomorrow and try and ice my mailman. That bro will never see it coming, bro!
