OK here's the best way I can explain why I fall into such a funk when KU loses in the tournament (especially when expectations are high like this year.) I threw this at Paul as kind of a half-ass explanation the other day, kinda making it up as I went along....but the further I took the analogy, the more sense it seemed to make in my mind:
Every new KU season is like dating a brand new girl.
We start casually dating in April or May (I spend a little time each day reading about the new recruits, off-season workouts, etc. etc.) However, I've got plenty of other stuff going on in my life (Red Sox, golf, eventually the Titans and NFL gambling) so she's not the main priority or anything. I do enjoy her company though, and always look forward to the next time we hang out.
Then around October or November, things take a step up. She has started leaving toiletries and whatnot around my apartment (regular season starts) and I'm starting to see the potential she has for being a long-term girlfriend. She enjoys cooking me dinners and cleaning up afterwards (Xavier Henry proves himself as a solid 2nd scorer and long-range shooter) and she added a couple of new moves in the sack that completely take me by surprise (all of a sudden Marcus Morris is unstoppable?!?!?!)
As the calendar turns to January, things get a little more serious (conference play begins.) We now spend most nights together, and we're very close to each other emotionally. We know what the other one is going to do before they do it (watch Tyshawn drive into traffic and force up a floater that doesn't even catch rim right here......here comes the extra pass from Brady to Tyrel in the corner for the three!) We have met each other's families, and have had the discussion of moving in together (should we buy tickets to the St. Louis regional now, or hold off a bit?)
Then once we hit March, it's the real thing, baby. Love. We rarely spend a night apart. We have exchanged those three little words (Number One Seed!) and it's complete bliss. Marriage, kids, (Final Four, national championship) we're not scared to start talking about these goals with each other. Sure, there's a hang-up here or there: she got drunk and pissed the bed one night (the Oklahoma St. game) but she made it up for it by cooking me steak dinners and throwing a beejer my way every day for a week (running the table and winning the Big 12 tournament.)
And it's not like she doesn't have a couple of bad habits; when she clips her toenails they go flying around the room and she doesn't pick them up (every time the opposing team goes on a 8-0 run, you know Sherron is going into hero mode and jacking up a bad shot on the next possession) and when she talks on the phone, she is really, really loud (if the object of free throws was to make exactly one out of two every single time, Markieff Morris would be the best in the world at them) but this is just nitpicking; she really is the best girl for me.
Then, without warning, she dumps me for some dude in cutoff jean shorts she met at a gas station (the loss to Northern Iowa in the second round.) And I'm left to pick up the pieces.
So yeah, it's a little weird that I go off the deep end for a couple days after the season is over....but after investing that much time and effort into a relationship, wouldn't it be more weird if I didn't? What am I, some heartless bastard?
That's my theory, and I'm sticking with it.
Other thoughts related to the first couple rounds:
- The last couple years I have sucked at picking a bracket. Just horrible. When I was a kid, up until about 2008, I was awesome. I rarely won, but you would never find me outside the top 3. I was a beacon of consistency. And now I have to deal with trash talk from 40-year-old women in my office because their bracket is doing better than mine. I feel like Sammy Sosa once he was off the juice.
I think I know why I suck now, but unlike Sosa, I can fix this without the help of illegal drugs: my problem is that I'm more willing to listen to other people's opinions, and I've generally calmed down as a sports fan (which makes my reaction to the UNI game a little more distressing, no?) It's not a bad personal trait; it just doesn't serve me well when picking a bracket. When I was younger, as a kid especially, I was more of a know-it-all prick, particularly when it came to sports (one of my elementary school nicknames was 'The Human Encyclopedia.' Dude, I got so much ass back then.) I didn't care what anyone else had to say. Whatever, I know that Western Kentucky is underseeded as an 11, I'm picking them to go Sweet 16, so fuck off, bro. Your bracket sucks.
However, as a result of my newfound zen attitude, I will give any opinion a chance, and even let it influence me in some cases. I watched in person a couple months ago as Cornell almost beat KU at the Phog, and said to myself "I can't wait to nab Cornell as my upset pick this year; that's a Sweet 16 team for sure." And I had them all penciled in after the brackets came out, and I was thisclose to pulling a Jay Bilas and putting them in the Elite 8....and then I read an article about how everything Cornell did well offensively, that was what Temple was great at taking away defensively. ONE fucking article. Boom, erase Cornell, enter in Temple. Totally ignoring my own instincts.
And I did the same with KU. In my heart of hearts, I knew this wasn't a national championship team. There were too many flaws, and I almost never pick them to win it all anyway, even when they have a better team than this year. But after reading and hearing about everyone in the world picking them to go all the way, I finally caved and did it too. Just stupid. So next year, it's back to 12-year-old Jum attitude for me. I don't give a shit what anyone else says, my bracket is awesome.
- Here's one of the things I hate about the tournament these days: every court is the same now, with the black baselines and sidelines, the arena name and city in blue lettering on the baselines, and the blue NCAA logo at center court. The only exception is if the arena normally holds college games- so I would hope that Salt Lake City and Syracuse are their normal courts tonight and tomorrow. I hate it because it's generic and it takes away the individuality of each game; because it's tough to tell them apart; and most of all, because it's not the way it used to be. You don't go changing the NCAA tournament on me- that's like changing my childhood. Some people are really worried about the tournament expanding to 96 teams, but there's another silent threat to tradition: what if CBS loses the rights to the tournament to ESPN? Then there will be no more CBS theme song, and I will probably cry for like three days. F you ESPN/ABC, you already robbed us of the NBA on NBC theme song, don't take this away too. I'm serious.
- How long did it take you guys to get sick of the Ivan Brothers commercials? For me, it was 1.25 times. Get bent, Ivan Brothers.
On the flip side, how awesome is the Miller Lite commercial where the guy struggles to name what he loves about his girl? (Imporant clarification: NOT the one where the guy struggles to say the words "I love you"....that commercial sucks, and besides, that girl is waaaay out of that dude's league. He was probably wanting to say "I love you" on the first date- like he wouldn't be jumping at the chance to say it now.) ANYWAY, when he grabs her hair and says "I like what you're doin' with this...I love all your teef!" Classic. I love how there has been a run of Chappelle-like black guys in commercials ever since Chappelle's TV show blew up.
- I'm weird when it comes to movie previews and their influences on me. Por ejemplo: months ago, I was really pumped to see the movie Shutter Island. Scorsese always cuts right to the core of me, and of course, there's the Leo Factor. Then on Super Bowl Sunday, we laid around hungover and watched a seven-hour marathon of Jersey Shore, and I saw probably 35 previews for the movie. Annnnnd I didn't want to see it anymore. (Editor's note: I ended up seeing it anyway, and it was fannnnntastic. It came highly recommended, and managed to beat those expectations. Scorsese, you did it again.)
But right now, the opposite is happening. Despite the fact that I know- hell, that EVERYONE knows- that it is 100% guaranteed to be a shitty movie.....the more times I see a preview for Hot Tub Time Machine, the more I want to go see it. While watching tournament games, I've seen the preview around 40 times, and I've pretty much convinced myself it's an Oscar winner. I can't explain how my brain works.
- Last Saturday morning, I was working at the golf course and got talking about sports betting with Craig. He's only like 19 years old, but a big sports fan, and looking to maybe get involved, but had no idea how it worked. So you've got me, red-faced, rambling and excited because I got to explain how the spreads, moneylines, over/unders and odds worked (I realized that day what I want to do when I grow up: go to high schools around the country to give presentations on the wonders and joys of sports betting. They have those right?) And you've got Craig, red-faced, giggling and excited because he was learning about how the spreads, moneylines, over/unders and odds worked (a landmark moment in any young man's life.) One of the prime examples I used was that day's New Mexico/Washington game, and what it meant that New Mexico was +2.5. And he was incredulous. "I think New Mexico is going to win that game, and you're telling me they're GETTING 2.5 points?!?!"
"Why yes, Grasshopper. They are. And I've got $50 on it." And Craig was ready, right then and there, to open up an online account, just to place a bet on that game. The only reason he didn't is the golf pro didn't want him opening up the gambling sites, in case of computer viruses on the business computer. And so then what happened next? Washington beat New Mexico by 18.
And THAT, my friends, is why it's called gambling.
