At first I toyed with the idea of just live blogging the Tennessee Titans game. I realize that it's not 2006 and live blogs aren't cool anymore, but most everyone else has live blogged something, while I have not. It seems like fun, and I like fun. Then I was like hey, with the KU game on at noon, and with a ton of college basketball games on all day (that my wallet has taken a great interest in) why not just do the whole day? It's The Day of Awesome.
12:00 The CBS college basketball song is the greatest little jingle in human history. This is not an opinion. This is fact.
12:04 If someone would've told me six months ago that Brady Morningstar would be starting for this year's KU team, I would've slipped into a deep depression about the team's chances to make the tournament this year. Now he's probably my favorite player on the team. How can you not like a white guy who wears the long sleeve t-shirt under his jersey and looks like Doug Funnie?
12:05 Steal and dunk for Tyshawn Taylor, who after EVERY layup and dunk so far this season, points to the same spot in the crowd, home game or road game. Dude, you're in Lansing, Michigan, you don't know that guy.
12:08 Oooh, we've got Eddie Hightower reffing this game. He bird-dogs players HARD when they commit a foul. If he reffed my city league games, I probably would've punched Eddie Hightower by now.
12:10 After a whistle and stoppage of play, Morningstar dings a breakaway dunk off the front of the rim. Patty Mayonnaise isn't impressed.
12:12 Markieff Morris picks up his second foul, three minutes into the game. It's a good thing there's two Morris brothers, because one of them is in foul trouble EVERY FUCKING GAME.
12:15 According to Verne Lindquist, Cole Aldrich is "the Jim Furyk of college basketball" due to his weird, yet effective, shooting style. I'm digging it. Without a shovel.
12:20 After a hot start, KU's offense is growing stale. I'm worried about their ability to get quality shots. I was strangely confident going into this game, considering it's a road game vs. a top 15 team. That confidence is evaporating quickly.
12:24 Suton airballs a 3 foot jump hook over Aldrich/Furyk. That is tough to do. You almost have to try to airball a shot that close.
12:28 There are positives to gambling as a team. You have people to talk about your bets with (people who actually care about them, as opposed to most of you, who probably get bored when I talk about them) and you can revel in your wins and sulk over your losses. There are negatives, too, though. Like when the other two want to bet on Villanova over Louisville, and you HATE the pick, but you're outvoted so the bet goes in, and then you flick over to the game and Villanova is down 11. That's definitely a negative.
12:30 Sherron Collins out with a bloody nose, Mich St. on a 10-0 run, KU looking terrified on offense. This is danger time right now. The axels are rattling right now.
12:32 Clark Kellogg just said "if KU was a vehicle, the gas light would be coming on." C'mon, Clark, I just used the axels rattling as the car metaphor! Get with me on this!
12:35 Marcus Morris called for an offensive foul while setting a screen. Now, I don't have the stats in front of me or anything, but I believe that is KU's 197th foul of that fashion in the first 13 games. It's obscene how often they get called for fouls while setting screens.
12:40 Marquette is on a HUGE run right now, which is good, because that Villanova game is a lost cause, I don't want to start out 0-2 in picks. Sets a bad tone for the rest of the day.
12:41 Matt Kleinmann, the senior walk-on redhead geek, enters the game (NOT A GOOD SIGN) and gets called for a moving screen within 2 seconds. Weird.
12:43 KU makes a field goal for the first time in 10 minutes. I forgot what that looked like.
12:44 I'm still having a hard time accepting the fact that Kleinmann is in this game right now. He should only be in when we're up 30. Or more.
12:46 Bill Self's lineup right now: three white guys (one of them Kleinmann, the 12th man on the bench.) And the two black guys are Appleton and Thomas, the 10th and 11th men. We're down 13 right now, Bill, let's end this little science experiment.
12:49 Villanova has cut the deficit to 3. W! I! L! D! Wildcats!
12:54 Mich St. can't miss a fucking three pointer right now, and KU can't make a fucking layup/dunk. As Billy Packer said when KU went up 40-12 on North Carolina in the Final Four (see what I did there? It helps calm me down at times like this) "This game. Is over."
12:58 Marquette is up 17 with 3 to go, and the spread is only 2.5. We're counting that one a win, and we're 1-0 on picks today. Good start.
1:01 Mich St. finishes the half on a 36-11 run, after a 7-1 lead for KU. No bueno. Let's go Villanova!
1:04 Here's what we need from Nova in the last 27 seconds. Two made free throws. A miss from Louisville. Two more made free throws. Final buzzer. Dolla bills.
1:05 Cunningham misses the first free throw. Shit.
1:06 Louisville scores. Shit.
1:08 Here's what we need from Nova in the last 4.9 seconds. One made free throw. One missed free throw. A defensive stop. Overtime and a new chance to win by 2.5.
1:10 Pena misses both free throws. Shit.
1:12 Annnnnd we're 1-1 in picks.
1:13 Texty from Dunph: Hey KU just plain sucks
1:14 My reply: Defending champs
1:15 Dunph's reply: Yup and might not make the tourney this year
1:16 My reply: Defending champs. I'll play this like Lionel Ritchie. All night long.
1:19 Dunph's reply: Yeah and they're doing a great job defending it too. Ridiculous
1:20 Not replying. Dunph may be an asshole, but he's not an idiot: he knows that KU lost 6 players from last year's rotation (5 of them drafted by the NBA.) He is in classic button-pushing mode right now. I'm not taking the bait. It takes a big man to trash talk when Duke hasn't done shit in years, besides lose in the early rounds as a high seed. Have fun with your 2 seed in the tourney this year...maybe you'll make the Sweet 16 this time.
1:25 Little 9-0 run by KU right now. Let's at least make this respectable. I like it.
1:30 My boy Morningstar hits a three. He's automatic. And also my facebook friend.
1:34 Memo to Mich St. fans: when a player airballs a shot, you can chant 'airball' at him. Until he makes a subsequent shot. Then you must stop. Grow up.
1:38 Think Subway Jared gets laid a lot, solely because he is Subway Jared? I hope so. He deserves it. Dropping 245 pounds in a year is impressive.
1:41 Almost 11 minutes left, and both teams are already in the bonus. So not only is this loss going to be excruciating, it's going to be excruciatingly long.
1:44 I'm not normally a betting man, but I'd be willing to bet that nobody in college basketball history draws more lane violations than Cole Aldrich-oh, wait, sorry Verne- Jim Furyk. Although I wasn't old enough to see Patrick Ewing shoot free throws in college. I would imagine he drew a ton too.
1:49 Annnnd Markieff Morris fouls out on a horseshit loose ball foul when the ball was already heading upcourt. Quit calling unnecessary fouls, I don't want to miss the start of the Titans game. At 3:30.
1:51 QUIT WITH THE FOULS!!!!!!!
1:54 Alex just finished her PRAXS test, which is a big deal for aspiring speech pathologists, and she just texted that she's going for some margs with the ladies before she comes home. Here's hoping she comes home bombed this afternoon.
1:58 I don't know how the crowd microphones are set up for the Duke/FSU game on ESPN, but it's awesome. They are picking up every little random thing the students are yelling right now, and it's hilarious.
2:00 My favorite commercial right now: the State Farm Insurance one with LeBron, where his buddy's car got broken into, and they end up dancing to the Kid 'N' Play CD. If you don't think that dance is getting busted out at the next round of weddings in the spring, then you don't know me well enough.
2:02 Ahhhh, there it is. Highlights from last year's championship game. That doesn't get old. My goosebumps just started crying a little bit.
2:05 Tyrel Reed is getting a little Hansel right now, but KU's still down 13 with 5 to go. If we can cut it to 9 by the 2:12 mark, I like our chances. We've done it before.
2:10 Only down 9- we've got a ballgame, kids! In other news, both Oklahoma and Arizona St. are blowing their games open and looking like they're going to cover their spreads, and I just found a $20 bill in the weird thigh pocket of the ski pants I'm wearing right now. Things are looking up.
2:14 Dammit, we needed that 3 from Collins. Then Mich St. hits one from oustide of NBA range, and that could be the clincher. Verne Lindquist agrees.
2:17 Lucas gets fouled about 4 times going up the court, nothing gets called, then when he finally loses the ball on his own, they call a foul on KU. Why. Just call the first one.
2:20 While CBS shows 27 replays of Collins getting "fouled" on his three pointer, I flick around and stumble upon an episode of Friends. It sucks and is not funny (like normal) but Jennifer Aniston is nipping out hard during the entire scene, so I'll count it as worthwhile.
2:24 ESPN is playing a montage of FSU upset victories over Duke. That was a lot of fun to watch. In today's game, Duke only put up 19 first half points. I'd talk shit, but KU only scored 18 in their first half. Soooo yeah.
2:26 Lindquist and Kellogg are getting a little punchy in the booth, and have begun telling horribly unfunny stories. Who can blame them? This game is the college basketball equivalent of a Red Sox/Yankees playoff game. It's almost 2:30, for fuck's sake.
2:28 Timeout, Mich St. Makes sense, they're only up 14 with under 40 seconds left. Let's set up the offense and get a good look, this is a big possession, Spartans! I'm starving right now.
2:31 Morningstar hits a sweet fadeaway with 1.2 left!!!! My boy!!! KU loses by 13. Not a great start to the day. I'm out of here until the Titans game starts in an hour. I'm gonna watch Duke for a few minutes, bitch because they're starting to dominate their game, then get my Chipotle on. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I don't know, I don't know if I'll have enough time.
3:33 Kickoff time. Highlights of the last hour: Oklahoma and Arizona St. both covering their spreads. We're 3-1 on picks, and we really, REALLY liked Oklahoma to cover....so we're sitting pretty for the day. Also, when I attempted to grab the burrito out of the Chipotle employee's hand, he stopped me and said "I'll put it in the bag for you. It's pretty hot, and I have no fucking sensation left in my hands." I gave him the obligatory chuckle, and he responded "No, I'm not fucking kidding. Don't ever work here, dude." Ummm, ok. I won't. Other good news: Alex is home and is, indeed, bombed already. It doesn't take much.
3:36 Quick three and out for Baltimore and Joe Flacco's unabrow, and Tennessee takes over. Crowd fired up, beautiful start. Three and outs are HUGE when you start the game on defense.
3:40 Baltimore's D returns the favor. I hope everyone watching this game likes not watching touchdowns, cause you're not gonna see many today.
3:44 Closeup of Joe Flacco. No thanks.
3:45 I don't understand people with unabrows. I can understand not wanting to wax or pluck it, but those aren't your only options. Get yourself one of those little facial hair trimmers, it would take you literally 4 seconds every morning to clean that shit up. It's the year 2009, take advantage of the technology, man.
3:49 Chris Johnson busts a big gain off a screen pass. My new favorite player Chris Johnson, I should add. I haven't really had a favorite NFL player since Steve McNair left for Baltimore. For some reason, I don't really care about favorite players in football.
3:53 Yes sir!!!!!!! CJ gets outside and scores. I'm trying not to sound like a total homer/idiot here, but Baltimore is already in trouble. You don't want a rookie QB coming from 7 points down on the road against this defense. You couldn't have scripted a better start for Tennessee.
4:00 Alex leaves with some of the ladies to go see Bride Wars. Gee, I'd love to come with, but...damn...do you think you guys could go later so I can see it? That movie looks AWESOME!
4:05 I hate that little 'fake screen pass to one side, pirohuette, then actually screen pass to the other side' that Brett Favre invented. And I also hate the fake throw that Favre does after he hands it off. And while I'm at it, I hate how he unbuckles his chinstrap after EVERY SINGLE PLAY. There's a lot about Brett Favre that I hate.
4:07 Seriously, Bride Wars? Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are, in my opinion, the top 2 overrated ladies in Hollywood. I don't think either of them are hot.
4:10 Well shit. I didn't see that TD pass coming on 3rd and 13. Ignore what I said about Flacco being in trouble. Where was the coverage on that one? Chris Hope was WAAYYYY too late getting over.
4:12 CJ busts one again! Dammit I love him. He is singlehandedly changing how I feel about football players who wear their hair dangling out of their helmet, which eventually became so popular that Madden had to add it to their video games.
4:14 From fellow Tennessee fan Cheese: If I were gay like Joe Flacco, I'd fuck Chris Johnson
4:18 That text has led to an in-depth discussion of CJ's probable taste in men, and what Flacco rates on a scale of 1-10 (Cheese says barely a 4, I say 2.)
4:20 Tennessee bumbles the snap on a 4th and 8, which was ill-advised in the first place. That play was fucked since Jump Street. We need a stop here, and quickly. This crowd is terrified of Baltimore, dating back to the 2001 playoffs, when the Titans were the 1 seed, and the Ravens strolled into town and dominated them. If things start going badly, this crowd will mentally check out faster than I'm going to in a couple hours when Alex comes back and tries to tell me about Bride Wars.
4:25 Cheese is just on fire so far: After 4 Die Hard movies, I'm used to someone named McClain lying on the ground in pain. And trust me, Bruce Willis is not the Ravens' running back.
4:30 Tennessee's ball, inside their own 1.....I'm nervous. It smells like safety right now.....holy shit, CJ almost got buried too. My heart just skipped a beat.
4:31 HOLY SHIT. Get out of the end zone. It REEKS like safety now.
4:33 I have to be honest here: LenDale White is fat, and is not good at being a running back. Yet he talks more shit than anyone on the team. The only person he should be talking shit to is the burger cook at McDonald's. That's the only guy he ever dominates.
4:35 Another big third down conversion on this drive, and Kerry Collins looks SHARP. Even if they don't score, this is still a fantastic drive.
4:36 Dammit Dan Dierforf just said the same thing. That actually makes me feel dumber, not smarter.
4:42 Collins finally makes a mistake, throwing a ball up for grabs and getting picked. In the race for "most garbage put in the air by a Collins" today, it's now Sherron 14- Kerry 1.
4:46 UCONN (-8.5) is struggling a little bit with Cincinnati right now, up 5 with 14 minutes left. I almost forgot there were other sports going on right now.
4:52 Tennessee gets the ball back, and is moving right down the field again. I can't believe they've put up this many yards so far. And yet only have 7 points. Meanwhile, Baltimore has one good play the entire game so far and also have 7 to show for it. Sigh.
4:55 Damn you LenDale White!!! He fumbles, predictably, deep in Baltimore territory, and goes back to the bench with an amused smirk on his face. Yeah, real fucking funny, tankass. Maybe Tennessee should start wrapping the football up in a Whitecastle bag, then he wouldn't drop it.
4:58 Halftime, still tied 7-7. I'm still fired up about that fumble. What value does he bring to this team? Cause he leads the league in one-yard touchdown runs? Anybody can punch those in. Dammit I'm bitter, we should have at least 17 points on the board right now. I'm gonna check the UCONN score, and they better be well on their way to covering the spread.
4:59 Nope. Still only up 5 with 9 minutes left. Let's go Huskies. Probably time for a beer and hopefully a good movie on TV somewhere to watch for awhile. I need to find my Happy Place.
5:05 I just flicked over to TNT and found myself smack dab in the middle of the scene where the little girl is getting raped in A Time To Kill. Holy F, this is the worst 15 minute stretch of my day right now. "Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell!"
5:12 That movie with Jennifer Lopez, the one where she gets abused by her ex-husband, until she toughens up and then kicks his ass or something at the end (I can't remember the plot really, or the title either) is on TV right now too. I'm pretty sure Paul owns this movie, and the sad thing is that's not even the gayest DVD he owns. That award goes to A Walk To Remember.
5:18 Tennessee needs a big play here soon. You can sense a difference in the crowd after the disappointing finish to that first half. They're nervous cheering now- not excited cheering. I know the feeling well.
5:25 Yikes, this is a big challenge right here on Bo Scaife's catch/non-catch. Huge. We can't have another trip into Ravens' territory without points.
5:29 Good challenge by the Ravens, Scaife didn't catch that. Bironas predictably pulls the 51-yard field goal, and it's still tied. This game is starting to smell like one of those weird games where one team absolutely dominates, yet loses the game. I'm starting to get REAL anxious.
5:36 At least UCONN covers against Cincy, and we're now 4-1 on picks today. At least if both my teams lose, we'll still get paid. Small consolation.
5:41 CJ needs to get back in this game. He's looking downright Tomlinson-esque sitting on the bench right now. I don't want our season in the hands of FatDale. I can't shake the bad feeling I have about this game.
5:46 FatDale's stats so far: 9 carries, 12 yards. On the plus side, he did finish an entire Six-Pack-and-a-Pound during the last TV timeout. That's impressive; I'm not even sure they have Taco John's in Nashville.
5:52 Unabrow flings up a bullshit pass, somehow completes it, and it's first and goal Baltimore. I've got that old familiar feeling I know so well. A little bit sick to my stomach, a little bit of a headache, a little bit shaky and jittery. I haven't felt it since Derrick Rose banked in that crazy fallaway as the shot clock expired in the Memphis/KU game. It is not a good feeling.
5:56 I just realized I haven't been keyed up like this for a football game in like 6 years. It's been awhile, I forgot how tense football can be when your team is involved. It feels like 10 minutes in between the huddle breaking and the ball getting hiked.
6:02 Yeah, that's the awful Baltimore/Tennessee game I was talking about earlier. Thanks for those highlights, CBS. The Flashback Gods both giveth and taketh away .
6:05 GREAT catch by Justin Gage on 3rd and 11! Where has Gage been all year long? We could've used a good receiver all year....who knew we already had one. Tennessee in the red zone again. NO TURNOVERS NOW PLEASE.
6:06 Memphis only wins by 7, failing to cover the 12.5 spread. We're still 4-2 on picks, but that one ruined our parlay. If there was an award for getting all your games but one on a parlay, we'd win it.
6:09 Oh my goodness. Crumpler fumbles on the 5 yard line, Ravens ball. I'm gonna throw up. Forget the 10-year-old getting raped earlier, THIS is the worst stretch of my day so far.
6:13 Alex is back: "Oh my gosh, Bride Wars was AWFUL!" Shocker.
6:16 Go FatDale!!! Just don't fumble, and there's a Crunchwrap Supreme with your name on it, Big Boy.
6:17 If LaDainian Tomlinson was Darth Vader on the sidelines last year with his helmet and dark visor, then right now CJ, with his hood up and steely glare plastered on his face, is Anakin Skywalker right after he turns evil, becomes Darth Vader, and kills all the younglings at the Jedi Temple.
6:20 Bironas ties it up as yet another drive stalls inside the red zone. It's nice to be tied up again, but dammit, Tennessee should be up like 17 or 20 now.
6:26 That's a fucking delay of game!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?!? What a huge play that was on 3rd and 2, Baltimore into Titan territory now.
6:30 If you like the movie Men In Black, I will fight you.
6:33 Shit this is a makeable field goal for Baltimore, especially with the wind at their back. I can't feel my toes.
6:35 Lots of F words. Consecutively.
6:36 Nice fucking helmet hair, Flacco. Put a hat on or something. Fix your unabrow, too.
6:38 Can Collins move the ball now? Less than a minute, only one time out....I'm not holding my breath.
6:40 Nope. Nice game, Tennessee. Way to piss away home-field advantage. I need a couple minutes.
6:58 Not feeling any better. 3 turnovers inside the 25 yard line. A missed field goal. 12 penalties. Multiple bad snaps. Basically, the absolute definition of giving a game away. The Day of Awesome just turned into the Day We Made a Bunch of Money But Both My Teams Lost.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch the last 2:12 of last year's KU/Memphis game before the Arizona/Carolina game starts.....go Cardinals!
