--We had a tax seminar at the Harrah's in KC a few days ago, and I put on a FIERCE eating display at the lunch buffet, much to the amusement of my co-workers, who are all around 15-20 years older than me. The prevalent thought in their minds is "I hope this ranch dressing on my salad doesn't aggravate my ulcer" while I'm thinking "I know that I already had dessert- and damn, that soft-serve ice cream and those giant pieces of german chocolate cake WERE delicious- but that prime rib just looks fantastic right now. Fuck it, I'm getting back in line."
--Wednesday night I played my worst stretch of baskeball since I was probably 9 years old. I didn't count the exact number, but I know that there's no way I shot over 10% for the night. I personally cost my team at least two wins. And my team kept giving me the ball and telling me to keep shooting. When you play pickup ball in a church, everyone's so nice. If this would've happened at Hyslop in North Dakota, most of my team would be pissed at me, and J.J. or Eddie (or both) probably would have jumped me in the parking lot afterwards. And to be honest, I liked that style of ball better. Nothing like the fear of getting your ass kicked by black guys to make you play better.
Anyway, it got so bad that when I finally hit a 3, everyone was APPLAUDING ME (this does not happen in pickup basketball unless you're Corky from Life Goes On or something) and I went sprinting down the court with my arms in the air like Christian Laettner after the shot against Kentucky. I feel like you should know these things, because next time, when I talk about how awesome I am, you can bring this up. Hey, Hammen, remember when you missed like 20 shots in a row at pickup ball the other night? You're so gay.
Well that may be....but at least I didn't sleep with Lumberg.
(Side note: I think lines like that are the funniest lines from Office Space. All those other people with their "PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?" and "I think someone has a case of the Mondays!" That's how you know they've only watched that movie once or twice. Watch it like 83 times, and you find out what's really funny.)
-- When I googled Christian Laettner looking for the above picture, I found this little dandy, which is one of the best commercials in ESPN history, if not THE best. Sometime in elementary school, Dunph and I recreated it in his basement on a 5 foot plastic hoop, stuffing pillows in Aaron's high school jersey to emulate Chris Farley. I can't remember if that was for school, or we were just being idiots. Either way, I'd pay like $200 to watch that home video now.
It's the last weekend before Christmas break...let's get out there and get stumbly. Unless you're traveling, then please travel safe. Click it or law enforcement will ticket.
