All-Ugly Team 2007-2008

Forget the All-American teams. Here are some teams that don't win any nationally recognized awards, but they do win awards from me, which some might say is more prestigious. My mom would say that, anyway. These are subject to change, as I'll probably see a bunch of ugly dudes from some tiny 15 and 16 seeds in the tournament, and I haven't been able to confer with Fundy on these teams, for the first time in many years. For now:


The "Entourage on HBO" Team (I have NO IDEA what it is I like about you, but I just like you and I can't fight it anymore)

Wayne Chism - Tennessee
Juan Palacios - Louisville
AJ Abrams - Texas
Jeremy Pargo - Gonzaga
Patrick Ewing Jr. - Georgtown


The "Spencer from The Hills" Team (I know exactly what it is I don't like about you: you're a giant douchebag)

Bill Walker - Kansas State
Ramel Bradley - Kentucky
Levance Fields - Pittsburgh
Jonny Flynn - Syracuse
Robert Dozier - accepting on behalf of the entire Memphis roster

The "Don't even look at me the wrong way, bitch. I've fucked guys bigger than you in prison" Team (Bad-ass tough guys)

Joey Dorsey - Memphis
Patrick Patterson - Kentucky
Shaun Pruitt - Illinois
James Gist - Maryland
Bambale Osby - Maryland

"When you're in my house, I better not catch you peeing standing up, aight? You sit down when you pee!"

The "Fat girl at the bar on St. Patty's Day" Team (You're kinda scary- I don't want to run into you in March)

Chris Lofton - Tennessee
Wayne Ellington - North Carolina
Darren Collison- UCLA
Michael Beasley - Kansas State
Stephen Curry - Davidson


The "All-Rudy" Team (white guys who wrongly convince other white guys that they could be good at Division I sports, too, if they just try really, really hard)

Tyler Hansbrough - North Carolina
Luke Harongody - Notre Dame
Kevin Love - UCLA
Drew Neitzel - Michigan St.
David Padgett - Louisville

And finally, the All-Ugly Team 2007-2008:

Bench:

Kyle Singler - Duke (GEEK)

Steven Hill - Arkansas (Fabio hair + homeless man beard)

Sasha Kaun - Kansas (uncoordinated Russian, plus he grew a brutal half-fro, only cause the black guys on the team tell him that it looks 'cool', then bust out laughing as soon as he leaves the room)

Bryan Davis - Texas A&M (Brontosaurus-head)

Deron Washington - Virginia Tech (he'd be starting if he hadn't cut his shitty hair)

Tyler Hoffmeister - Texas Tech (might be 43 years old)

Nick Calathes - Florida (might be 11 years old)

Starting 5:

Russell Robinson - Kansas. Looks like his dad was an alien and his mom only made it out of Ethiopia because some family gave Sally Strothers 39 cents a day to feed her.

Drew Naymick - Michigan St. I don't usually put red-heads on the team, as Fundy and I determined long ago that if you open up that Pandora's Box, you'll end up with nothing but bench-sitting red-heads dominating the All-Ugly team every year. But still....

Esmir Rizvic - Texas Tech. Looks like this was taken in a Kazahkistan prison. Is this the town rapist that Borat was talking about?

Tajuan Porter - Oregon. I almost didn't put him on the team, because it's already mean enough to make an All-Ugly team. I shouldn't need to take it a step further by making fun of people's deformities. But seriously......WHAT IS GROWING ON HIS EAR?!?!

Lorenzo Mata-Real - UCLA. For the most part, as All-Ugly teams go, this isn't that bad of a team. There's no Joakim Noah, Adam Morrison, Shelden Williams, James Augustine, etc. etc. However, all those teams didn't have this guy, who I am ready to crown captain of the All-Century Ugly team right now with no questions asked:

When he had his nose broken a couple years ago, he became the first person in human history to actually look better with the mask on. For real.

Here's wishing everyone a happy Selection Sunday. May everyone's team get a high seed, a region close to home, and a matchup with a Big Ten team.

Seriously, the Big Ten sucks.