However, there are couple of new additions to the batting order: BeachBum, another Bostonian (Bostonite? Bostafarian? San Diego-ans? San Diego-ites? San Diego-uns? San Dieg-ons? San Diegans?...he's from Boston) who has been a mainstay in the comments for quite a while now; and Cheese, who was a mainstay at Culligan parties back in the day. They do update. Give them a clickarooski.
After the impromptu episode of PTI that just broke out between me and Dunph (which has been going on since 2nd grade, although I'm fairly certain we weren't calling each other 'dipshit' and 'cum guzzler' back then) I figured that this would be as good a time as any to say that I'm not just some know-it-all that can't admit when he's wrong. In fact, I can think of the dumbest sports-related things I've ever said, right off the top of my head....
"The Vikings were stupid to trade Daunte Culpepper"
I staked my credibility, my fantasy team, and my wallet on this prediction before the '06 season. All 3 were in shambles just a couple months later. Here is my exact quote on Culpepper, from The Slice a year and a half ago.
First off, my biggest rant of this offseason: Daunte Culpepper is still good. He had 6 (six!) bad games last year. I am with you, they weren't just bad, they were terrible. But that's it. Six games. The year before that, he had arguably the 3rd best season in NFL history for quarterbacks. Except Peyton Manning had the best one ever, so Daunte flew under the radar. But all it took were those six shitty games last year, and everyone is throwing him under the bus. I don't care that he has the hands of an 11 year old girl. I've heard that before. I'll take the Dolphins for 11-5 and Daunte to throw for 3,500 and 27 TDs, as well as being the key to my fantasy team. I am firmly buckled in and my Dolphins bandwagon is pulling out of the driveway. There are spots available, if anyone is interested.
I staked my credibility, my fantasy team, and my wallet on this prediction before the '06 season. All 3 were in shambles just a couple months later. Here is my exact quote on Culpepper, from The Slice a year and a half ago.
First off, my biggest rant of this offseason: Daunte Culpepper is still good. He had 6 (six!) bad games last year. I am with you, they weren't just bad, they were terrible. But that's it. Six games. The year before that, he had arguably the 3rd best season in NFL history for quarterbacks. Except Peyton Manning had the best one ever, so Daunte flew under the radar. But all it took were those six shitty games last year, and everyone is throwing him under the bus. I don't care that he has the hands of an 11 year old girl. I've heard that before. I'll take the Dolphins for 11-5 and Daunte to throw for 3,500 and 27 TDs, as well as being the key to my fantasy team. I am firmly buckled in and my Dolphins bandwagon is pulling out of the driveway. There are spots available, if anyone is interested.
Holy F.
Here's Daunte and his family, solemnly leaving the funeral of his NFL quarterbacking skills. 1999-2004. RIP.
"Michigan St. only giving 3 1/2 points to George Mason is the biggest first-round gambling lock in NCAA tournament history"
I know that is an exact quote because I said it to at least 20 people that day. I know that NOBODY saw that upset coming, which diminishes the stupidity of that statement, but this one gets bonus points because a) not only did George Mason cover the spread, not only did they win the game outright, but they went all the way to the fucking Final 4 as an 11 seed; and b) I took a lot of people down with me on this one. Everyone who was with me in Vegas (Fundy, Noles, Dunph, Horp.) Everyone back home that I called and told to put money on it (Bergman, Ike, others I can't remember.) Even some innocent dudes from Arizona that were ahead of me in line at the sports book, who were perfectly content to just put down a little money on their beloved Wildcats....before my dumb ass convinced them otherwise.
Hey, dude, put up a couple more fingers, add a couple of zeroes, and that's how much your Cinderalla story cost me.
"I'm going home, I just can't watch the Yankees celebrate again, especially in Fenway"
I said this just before the bottom of the 9th inning of Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS. Jake, Ike, and I were watching at the Hub, and I had hit rock bottom as a sports fan. I've always been a pessimistic spectator, one of the things about myself I dislike the most. I'm always waiting for something bad to happen, plus 2003 had been pretty rough on me, and as a result, I had absolutely zero faith the Sox were coming back. Luckily Jake and Ike told me to quit being a pussy and watch, and then Millar walked, and Roberts stole second....
...and everyone knows what happened over the next couple weeks.
Thank you Jake and Ike. If I had intentionally skipped that 9th inning, I may be writing this from a mental institution, or prison. And not one of those white collar resort prisons, one of those federal pound-me-in-the-ass prisons.
"LeBron James is wayyyyy overrated"
I saved the best for last. This little gem gets more and more ridiculous by the day. I said this during his senior year of high school, after my expert opinion (determined after watching a couple televised games) was that "he has no jump shot, and once he gets into the NBA, he'll be the same size as everyone else, so he won't be able to just blow by everybody." Wow. Just- wow. I forgot to take into account that he would get bigger too; cause, you know, that's what happens when you're still going through puberty, and now he looks like a middle linebacker who throws up triple-doubles just for kicks.
Here's a picture of Bron-Bron throwing down as a high school SOPHOMORE. This is about 180 pounds of muscle (rough estimate), a couple of inches, and a couple of kids ago. Yep, looks overrated to me.
