Automated lady voice: Please tell us what your problem is.
Me: I haven't received my--
ALV: Let's try and break it down a little more.
Me: What...I only had like one second to speak....
ALV: If your issue relates to your bill, simply say 'my bill.' If it relates to your service area, say 'service area.' She then goes on to list about 5 more issues, none of which are related to mine. Finally she says: If it relates to something else, say 'something else.'
Me: Something else.
ALV: You've selected 'monthly plan.' If this is correct, say 'yes.' If this is incorrect, say 'no.'
Me: No.
ALV: Great! If you would like to hear how many minutes you've used this month, say 'minutes.'
Me: What? I said no. NO!
ALV: You've selected 'online billing options.'
Me: Jeeeeeee-sus Christ. Are you kidding me? Are you for real, machine lady?
ALV: Let's try and break this down a little more.
Me: What the FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!?
ALV: If you would like to speak with a customer service representative, say 'representative.'
Me: Rep-re-sent-a-tive.
ALV: You've selected monthly plan. If-
Me: Representative! Representative! Representative! Represent--
ALV: Please hold while our next customer service representative becomes available.
Me: Thanks. You've been wonderful.
So then, after all that, I talk to a real lady for like 15 minutes, after which she concludes that something is messed up in the system and I can't get my $25 dollars yet. So now I'm chucking my referral debit card in the garbage and that's that. You win, Sprint, you always do.
Anyways, I was STEAMING about this phone call for awhile, until I remembered this little beauty, courtesy of Cosmo Kramer, from one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes ever. Then I laughed. A lot. Thanks, Kramer. You're the man.
