Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Noonball Rivalries

This post is for Jesse, Ricky, Chris, Danny, and the other Noonies who were discussing some of the best fights in my noonball career, and who I thought my biggest rivals were. So after some deliberation:

5. Z A new addition to the list. Impressive because he has really only been playing for a couple weeks. He is a football player for the Sioux, so his defense consists of shoulder bumps, two-hand pushes to the back, and just generally running into you when you are driving. When I (obviously) accidentally poked Danny in the eye going for a loose ball, he accused me of doing it on purpose. Also, he is the kind of guy who has absolutely nooo problem talking shit, even as he is getting lit up, like yesterday when he called Jerome Beasley a "D-League Mother Fucker" as Beasley was in the middle of destroying him.

4. Dr. Tony Even though we no longer have problems (see the post Turning Over A New Leaf from last October, I think) I have to include him on this list because of his ridiculousness when we were battling. The worst thing about Tony (and maybe the worst quality one can have at noonball) was that on the defensive end, he just mauls people. Every time. This is bad enough, but then, on offense, he calls EVERYTHING. At least with guys like Z you can bang him back and he won't call it on you. Tony's snapping point came pretty quickly, and he was a notorious shit-talker.

3. John He was probably one of the least popular guys in noonball history, due to his penchant for being everybody's coach, preaching tough D and smart shots, and then he would get the ball and jack up an airball 3 from the corner. However, he and I were destined to be enemies, stemming from both of us being a lefty and wearing a headband. He didn't appreciate me telling him to "shut the fuck up, stop being a coach, and make a fucking shot" a few years ago, and that was about the end of us being cordial to each other.

2. Joe Also a recent addition; we were never buddies, but apparently he has disliked me for some time, and it came to a head a couple of weeks ago. After he blew a 3-on-1 layup in a close game, both myself and Jim Beal got on his case. Now, if you're Joe, who are you gonna get pissed at: Jim Beal in full-on , pissed-off, tight game mode, or the skinny white guy who wears a headband and talks bigger than he is? Yeah, pretty much. The altercation ended with him being separated from me and yelling "I hate this guy! I HATE HIM!" as I can do nothing but laugh. Always good times when teammates have to be restrained. Jesse also happened to get this on tape; watch it if you get a chance. It's good stuff, and he doesn't pass me the ball for at least 20 possessions afterwards. He is the one in blue looking down at me with a look of total disgust. Keep in mind we're on the same team.

1. J.J. This is no shocker to anyone who plays at the 'Slop. I would like to think that over the years, our battles have been some of the most entertaining. I know that I love them, as I usually play better and tougher when he guards me. It has cooled over the last year, but I think his friendships with some of the other black guys (see: Joe) has effectively transferred his hatred of me to them. I am serious when I say that I am downright shocked that he has never punched me in the face before. He is without a doubt the scariest guy at noonball. He looks like Young Buck with a perma-sneer. He plays on the edge of Defcom 5 at all times. The smallest smirk or quietest comment after you score on him could be the one that makes him go Artest on you. Basically, he wants to push people around, talk shit, and intimidate people into playing like a pussy, and while some people let him do his thing, I usually remind him from time to time that he's an idiot.

That, in a nutshell, is the common denominator on this list. I can't keep my mouth shut when I see someone being a douchebag. I am never the instigator; I don't pride myself on talking shit. I hate it, actually, which is why I get sucked into it. I don't let it slide if someone is acting like a shithead. Guys will talk crap, I tell them to shut it; and there you go. This is why I have so many enemies at noonball. It doesn't hurt my feelings; I have plenty of friends at noonball as well. The ones who realize I am just wanting to win are the same ones who I hang out with outside of basketball.

Don't misconstrue this post as pride in my attitude on the court. I have tried to change it, it didn't work, so not everyone is gonna like me as a result. It is what it is, I guess. This post was merely the official answer to an ongoing conversation.