Tuesday, December 5, 2006

The NBA Noon Ball Team

Among noon ballers, a well known fact is that the most talented team does not always win, and actually doesn't even have that great of a winning percentage. The five guys who gel the best over the timespan of 15 points is going to win. Unless, of course, Jerome Beasley is playing. Then his team will probably just win. With that in mind, here are the four NBAers (I left out super-duper-stars cause that's no fun) I would suit up with if I had the chance:

Kirk Hinrich: The guy who would make everything go. Makes good decisions on the break, looks to make the pass but will score when needed. If you make a sweet back-door cut, he will hit you, rather than putting on a dribbling exhibition at the top of the key while being double-teamed. Just all around fun to play with. I am a little biased about Kirk, but honestly, after Steve Nash, he is the next best in this spot. Honorable mention: Mike Bibby

Elton Brand: The solid force down low. He'll grab every rebound, block a few shots, alter a couple others, get a few easy buckets on the other end, and not dominate the ball. Good passing big man, as well. The kind of guy who just blends into the game, and then you realize after the game he had 7 of your 15, and you can't really remember him missing any shots either. Honorable mention: Jermaine O'Neal

Josh Howard: Does everything well. He can guard anyone on the floor, gets in passing lanes, great finisher on the break, gives tons of effort cause he cares about winning. Great mid-range game, which is huge in noon ball, as everyone usually packs the lane or contests threes. He can head up the shit-talking department as well, a necessary quality at Hyslop. Honorable mention: Shane Battier

Ron Artest: The defensive stopper. As a bonus, he can get hot and score in buckets, but we don't necessarily need him to. Absolutely shuts down the other team's best player, and intimidates him on the other end into stupid fouls and gambling for steals. Hinrich can drift a little bit on D, but Ron-Ron will keep him in line. Also helps out Howard with shit-talking, and if anything gets really heated, pretty much puts an end to it. Who's gonna fuck with Ron Artest? Don't underestimate the crazy factor at noon ball. Honorable mention: Raja Bell

While we're here, and since I usually can't write about sports without hating on people at least a little bit, here is who I would not want to play with:

Vince Carter: I don't even think I need to elaborate on him. There is no such thing as a contract year in noon ball, so he would be pretty much worthless.

Manu Ginobli: Well suited for noon ball offensively, but I couldn't stand being on the same team as the whiner and flopper.

Antawn Jamison: Sulks if he doesn't get enough shots, which affects his defense and rebounding, which are brutal in the first place for a guy his size.

Stephon Marbury: The dreaded shoot-first point guard. Nothing kills a noon ball team faster. Also see: Mike James, Baron Davis, half the Knicks roster.

So there are my thoughts, I know you guys have your own team in mind. Let's hear 'em.