Jason Dufner is putting me in a real uncomfortable spot here. I've always made the argument that you can't have two favorite teams. You just can't. There's your favorite, and there's everyone else. That doesn't mean that you can't cheer for and enjoy other teams besides your favorite (I'd definitely do some celebrating if the Vikings ever won the Super Bowl, mostly because of my dad) but you can only have one favorite at a time. Any time somebody tells me something like "Yeah the Cubs and Cardinals are my two favorite teams, so as long as one of them wins the NL Central, I'm happy, LOL!!!" I may smile and nod, but this is the face I'm making on the inside. Teens' friend Brianca has FOUR favorite NFL teams (Chiefs, Raiders, Giants, and Colts) and she may as well be the Antichrist, in my opinion.
Back to the lecture at hand. Regarding Dufner and Phil Mickelson, it's getting close to the point where I may have to eat my own words soon. Last year, I made the analogy that Phil was my longtime wife, and Duf was the temptation that ultimately I could stay away from. Well, I think last weekend I may have got drunk, rented a hotel room and cheated on Phil. During the final round of the PGA Championship yesterday, I was pacing around the room, giving myself an upset stomach, drinking Nervous Lites and mashing through chew like someone was going to take it away from me. Now, part of this agony could perhaps be explained by the fact that I stood to win a good amount of money if Dufner held on; but still, I was every bit as nervous yesterday as I was when Phil was going for his first major back in the day. I'm still perfectly happy with my marriage to Phil...but I think I need to hide my credit card statement and delete some text messages from this last weekend.
"Jason, can you please take your name off your phone? Phil went through my phone and may be calling you. If you can, please take your name off that. Huge. Quickly. All right. Bye."
(Tiger Woods voicemail jokes are still funny, right? Good.)
Also, for those who don't know much about Dufner, he once again put the internet in a frenzy and gave the general public another reason to love him by giving his (superduper hot) wife a "good game" pat on the ass during their celebration on the 18th green yesterday. Seriously, is he the greatest or what?
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An update on the Royals' record when I'm in attendance, after we went to a couple of Red Sox games in KC last week:
Royals when I bet $100 against them: 1-0
Royals vs. Red Sox: 4-3
Royals vs. everyone else: 1-19
UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE. I'm not even going to talk about this right now because I don't want to be angry and upset when I'm eating my hot pockets in five minutes. Lunch time is supposed to be a happy time.
One other Red Sox note:
I'm not sure what kind of future Brock Holt has with the Sox. Presumably, Will Middlebrooks, recently brought back up from the minors, will get his shit together soon. Plus, with studs Bogaerts and Cecchini coming up through the system, suffice it to say, the left side of the infield is pretty well set for the future. But I'd love it if Holt stuck with the squad as the utility infielder or something. It's just wayyyy too much fun (Warning: Arrested Development inside joke coming...) to yell "BROCK HOLT!" and throw my hands in the air after every single thing he does.
Normally I haaaaaate emoticons. Semi-colons and parentheses are to be used for grammatical purposes-- not to convey to somebody that you're fucking winking while you're sending your probably shitty text message. I told Sarunas once that every time she texts me an emoticon, this is the face I make. (I'm sorry for recycling that link, but it's just too perfect.) Having said that, I love that if you're following a Red Sox game on Twitter, and you see a tweet from one of the beat writers that simply shows this
\o/
you know that Brock Holt did something good. No further explanation necessary.
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Breaking Bad is back for the last episodes. I won't say too much, since at some point a full breakdown of Breaking Bad vs. The Wire (possibly my two favorite dramas of all time) needs to happen, but if you're not watching this show....you should be. Go get caught up now, there's still time.
