Back in our college days, during the heyday of Culligan Manor, Fundy used to rip on Paul and I for having steady girlfriends. He played it off as us being suckers for being tied down when we were apparently supposed to be out banging randoms by the truckload, but really it was because he couldn't talk to girls unless he was hammered. If The Big Bang Theory existed back in 2002, his nickname today definitely wouldn't be Fundy, it would be Raj. If his house was on fire, and a female answered 911, he'd have to hang up and call back until a guy answered the phone. Then he met Smapes at a party, sparks flew, emotions ran high, and whammo! Fundy had himself a serious girlfriend and joined the rest of us "suckers."
And now, one week from tomorrow, he and Smapes will be walking down the aisle together. I've gotta say, I'm proud of our boy. We've come a long way from high school, when Fundy called up Breezy and asked her to Prom like this (picture Ike and I literally rolling on the floor in laughter as this conversation is going on):
~Fundy dials the number, Breezy answers and presumably says "Hello?"
"WHADDYADOIN?"
~pause~
"OH.YOUWANNAGOPROM?"
~
"PROM?YOUWANNAGOPROMWITHME?"
~
"COOL.OKIGOTTAGO,GOTTAGOBASEBALL!"
~
"IGOTTAGOBASEBALL!!!"
~click~
And a catchphrase was born; one that we still use to this day. I gotta believe that if Fundy could do it all over again, he would've made that phone call in private. But I'm so, so glad he didn't.
***************
Here are some things I thought would happen before we actually saw Fundy get married:
- Tupac resurfaces after faking his own death.
- The Rapture.
- A Y3K scare.
- The Chicago Cubs win a World Series.
- World War III.
- Channing Tatum stars in a movie that doesn't make me want to punch him in the face (Dammit, that's a lie, it already happened. 21 Jump Street was kinda awesome. At least he went right back to being a toolshed with Magic Mike-- although I'm sure most girls, including my fiancee, would disagree with that statement.)
- Coach K is revealed to be a robot.
- Time travel is invented-- shenanigans, mostly of the Michael J. Fox variety, ensue.
- A female President.
- That one thing that Meatloaf won't do for love....he does it.
- World War IV.
- Rick Astley gives you up. He lets you down. He runs around, and deserts you. He makes you cry, he says goodbye. He tells a lie, and hurts you.
***************
Later, skaters. Off to North Dakota to golf, see the entire side of my mom's family for the first time in 15 years, play dollar blackjack, eat at Red Pepper an obscene amount of times, and watch Fundy and Smapes tie the knot. ("Huh? A knot? Ehhh, you better...KNOT mention that again, you cocksuckers." Classic. Let's end on that note.)
