Random thoughts from the weekend:
- I'm gonna say something that may sound blasphemous, especially coming from me, the same guy who wrote this post once upon a time. We're gonna get it out of the way, right at the beginning.....I think I kinda liked not having a wedding dance. (Gasp!) At this point, we've done the wedding dance thing. Every sub-friend group within my entire friend group, we've done the damn thing. Multiple times. We've all seen each other do the Apache, the Macarena, the Electric Slide, the Chicken Dance, etc. etc. Plus, wedding dances go by too fast. They're like huge keggers in college; the next morning you wake up, and you know that you talked to 67 different people....but it still feels like you didn't talk to anybody. Convos at wedding dances just miss that intimacy, you know? Probably because I'm either a) screaming at the other person, to be heard over Kool & the Gang being played a couple notches too loud; or b) leaving conversations right in the middle because I heard the opening few notes of SexyBack and there's no way I'm gonna miss that song to hear about how tough grad school is right now, bro.
When dinner was winding down, our table had our doubts. What would we do for the next couple hours? Should I go try and plug in my ipod? What if I just stood up and started yelling "Sliiiiide to the left! Sliiiiide to the right! Two stomps this time! Two stomps this time!" Would a wedding dance just break out? (Both Aimee and Lisa said yes, and really wanted me to try it.) But lo and behold, the next couple hours of open bar and open conversations were fantastic-- I didn't miss dancing at all. Clutch move with the open bar, newlyweds. Clutch move. Also, the over/under for times somebody said "Open bar, dudes!" like Farva in Super Troopers was set at 5.5, and we hit the over within 15 minutes.
OK, so there was a liiiiiittle bit of dancing....it's not like it was banned like the town in Footloose or anything. Plus Horp and I figured since we weren't mentioned in the program, we should get a special Usher Dance or something. Remember the old Kid 'n' Play dance? One of my all-time faves.And although it was more fulfilling catching up with people without a dance getting in the way, I still don't remember much, because....
- I might be the worst person in the world at remembering non-numerical details about people and their lives. We'll sit there and chitchat, and they'll tell me what's happening in their life, and the next day my mom or somebody will be like "Oh, you ran into ____, what is she up to?" And I'll blank for a second and stammer out "I'm pretty sure she's studying gerontology or optometry or clinical pyschology...I dunno, she's gonna be a doctor in a few years I think." However, if that person would've told me she was playing in the WNBA and averaging 13.3 points, 6.4 rebounds, and 4.2 assists in 27 minutes per game, I would be able to recite that verbatim the next day. It's just the way my brain works. I need numbers.
- In a weekend full of running jokes** here was my favorite: there was a girl in attendance, Jamie (I'm not worried about using a fake name here because even though I usually write everything under the assumption that the person in question is reading, there's like a 4% chance she sees this. Also, I'm not concerned if she does-- it's a funny story.) We got along really well in 8th grade Life Skills class. I made jokes and kept her laughing; she fixed pretty much all of my projects so I didn't fail the class. Those of you who know how worthless I am at day-to-day tasks are nodding in agreement right now. Can you imagine getting held back in middle school because you continually mixed lights with darks while doing laundry, or burning the shit out of your casserole? That could've easily happened to me.
I also thought she was cute, and was preparing to "ask her out", whatever that entailed in 8th grade....and then the flood hit and instantly ended our school year. Then we went to separate high schools, didn't see each other for a few years, she got super-hot, and all of a sudden she became the only girl in my life I was ever unable to talk to. Bing bang boom. Just totally intimidated. I saw her around town every once in a while, and we've probably said 10 words to each other since 1997. So it became this running joke, that she was the middle school version of The One Who Got Away-- especially after we found out that she was friends with JonJon's then-girlfriend-now-wife Amanda. He found out that at one point she was living in Boston, and loved to give me shit that if the Flood of '97 never happened, I'd probably be living across the street from Fenway and have season tickets to my beloved Red Sox right now. The fact that she is now married with a kid hasn't slowed down our jokes at all.
So after an entire weekend of making jokes like "Katie, wanna do me a favor? Go up to Jamie, point at me, and say something like 'Damn, that Jum Hammonds really grew up, didn't he?" or "Horp, if she walks in and I'm not by the door to usher her in, I'm gonna make a bird call, and you have to stop and tie your shoe or something so I can get back in time to do it" or "Christine, on a scale of 1-10, how mad would you be if we broke up this weekend so I can follow my destiny? I mean, you'd be able to find a ride back to Kansas, right?" Saturday night was winding down. Jamie went to say goodbye to JonJon, and as she's walking away, JonJon, with more than a few in him, yells across the bar "OH BY THE WAY JAMIE, JUM HAMMONDS SAYS GOODYBE TOO!" Just totally puts me on blast. All I can do is sheepishly wave at Jamie, while giving JonJon my best "What the fuck, dude" face. It was pretty hilarious. A much better usher present than the tie he gave me. So thanks for that, big guy.
**Other running jokes: Horp and his dry hands-- the joke that keeps on giving; callling MyShawn 'Cat Stevens', another one that will never get old; Noles getting caught chewing in bed by Jenna; Schneweis' dad being a badass; calling Christine 'Waldo' because she's tall and skinny, and last time she was in GF she wore a red-and-white-striped shirt; a couple others that I can't type here because they're not suitable for the World Wide Web (remember, assume that everybody in the world reads this) and probably a few others that the ol' booze brain can't remember.
- Great wedding, great people, great weekend. Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. JonJon. FYI, I chose this picture because it's taken after the wedding, yet the big guy still has the deer-in-the-headlights look. It's over now, dude. It's done. No take-backsies.
