Oh No You Di-in't

My mom has never been a fan of technological upgrades of any kind (my least favorite Christmas ever was 1989, when EVERY SINGLE one of my friends who didn't already own a Nintendo got one that year, while my parents steadfastly refused to give me one- as clearly video games were the worst thing on the face of the Earth. The next year, my grandparents stepped up and got us a Sega Genesis without telling my mom first, and she was furious for months. Big ups, G'ma and G'pa. Holler at your boy.) She resisted getting a cell phone until LAST YEAR, motherfucking 2010, and only then because she was tired of everyone nagging her for not having one. Needless to say she's not thrilled with it.

So typically, she almost immediately started receiving calls and texts from wrong numbers. Apparently the previous owner, 'Andrea', didn't tell a single soul that she got a new number, and my mom dealt with the consequences. So after weeks of that mess, she went and got her number changed. The problem, of course, was not solved. She has now been getting hit with a barrage of new wrong number calls and texts all over again, with most of them sounding like they belong to 'Jon.' Only now these communications are smothered with a hot greasy layer of disrespect. Like after receiving a "Happy Birthday, Bro" text, my mom will politely respond that they texted the wrong number, and then she gets a "sorry about that, loser" answer back. And then he continues to text 'Jon' like he wasn't just told it was the wrong number.


I have also imagined this anonymous texter as looking about as douchey as a typical John Mayer picture, which helps explain why I already hate him so much.


So clearly I can't let this disrespect of my mom stand. We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT....sorry went into Walter Sobchak mode there. Anyway, I got this guy's number from my mom, and now I'm going to be throwing some phone shenanigans his way. I hope he has his glove oiled up and broken in.

If you'd like to join in, his number is 701-368-9196. Let's use the power of the internet for good here. Maybe he stops screwing around with his cellular telephone after he gets a taste of the proverbial medicine.

Remember, this could be your mom we're talking about here.