1. Peach Pit After Dark- Beverly Hills 90210
Fun factor: Off the charts, IF you're in the mood for that kind of night. During its initial opening, the Peach Pit After Dark was just night after night of raves and dance parties, which I can totally get on board with. I always kinda wished I had been college-aged in the early 90's, mostly because my dance style (a combination of MC Hammer and Michael Flatley) would've gone over much better in that era than it did in the early 2000's.
Music scene: After the dance party era, the PPAD made a subtle shift into live music. And let me tell you, if you love artists that are either a) a couple years away from being popular, b) a couple years removed from being popular, or c) never ever EVER going to hit the big-time, then this is the nightclub for you. Oh, and what about the musical stylings of David Silver? Does that interest you at all?
Chances a guy like me gets his ass kicked in a place like that: Basically non-existent. Rich white kids don't fight in Beverly Hills. I mean, there's always a chance that Dylan is off the wagon and drunk again, but most of his alcoholic tendencies are self-destructive- simply put, he's a lover, not a fighter. Plus, if 90210 taught us one thing, it's that there is no such thing as black people, at least not for more than a one or two-episode arc, so gunplay at the Peach Pit After Dark should be pretty minimal.
2. McLaren's- How I Met Your Mother
Fun factor: High. McLaren's combines two of my very favorite bar activities: chilling out and sitting around a table with the same group of friends for hours on end, discussing incredibly trivial and random topics while getting progressively drunker; and giving random girls fake names and backstories and generally just being a douche.
Music scene: TBD. The jukebox doesn't seem to get much play at McLaren's, but it seems like the kind of place where if you fired up some Neil Diamond or some Journey, within seconds, everyone would be cheers'ing each other and singing along. Very similar to the Sandbar here in Lawrence in that by the end of the night, you can conceivably be friends with almost every patron in the bar because of its cozy, intimate layout.
Chances a guy like me gets his ass kicked in a place like this: Pretty low. I would fit in pretty well in McLaren's. Those are my people.
3. Mos Eisley Cantina- Star Wars
Fun factor: Average- as long as you're not a droid. They don't serve that kind here.
Music scene: Phenomenal. I've got the Cantina Song on my ipod, and I could listen to Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes all day long (I'm a gigantic Star Wars nerd, but even I had to google that shit.) Their swinging sounds provide the backdrop for a 1920's-esque speakeasy.....
Chances a guy like me guy gets his ass kicked in a place like this: ....however, beneath the surface of the Roaring Twenties vibe lies the undertow of the seedy Tatooine gangster scene. Any place where a guy pulls a gun because he doesn't like the look on your face is bad news for me. Any place where that guy subsequently gets his arm cut off by a lightsaber, and the entire scene is met with a collective shrug and only a couple seconds of silence before it's party on as usual...well, that's even worse for me.
4. Double Deuce- Roadhouse
Fun factor: Relatively low. Between constantly looking over your shoulder for the next punch to be thrown, and constantly looking over your shoulder for the next punch to be thrown, I'm not sure how much you could relax in this bar.
Music scene: Pretty awesome, in my opinion. Jeff Healey, the guitarist of the house band, is probably my favorite blind musician this side of Stevie Wonder. Although the fact that he has to be enclosed in a wire cage in order to offer psuedo-protection from the barrage of beer bottles that are thrown at him throughout the night is a bit concerning.
Chances of a guy like me getting my ass kicked in a place like this: Either astronomically high or astronomically low, with no in-between. There are really only two scenarios in play: 1) I get my ass kicked on the reg, requiring hospitalization on a near-weekly basis after taking a beating from either a grizzled old man, a black belt in karate, or a grizzled old man with a black belt in karate; or 2) I get completely left alone by the obscene number of tough guys in the Double Deuce, because I look like such a pussy with my gelled hair, collared shirt, and biceps the size of an average 14-year-old. The wild card would be little-known scenario 3, wherein a brawl breaks out and I jump into the fray, sucker-punching a bunch of chicks before beelining for the door.
5. Moe's Tavern- The Simpsons
Fun factor: Brutal. Unless there are specific shenanigans afoot, Moe's gives off a certain "My life sucks, so I'm going to do my best to drink the rest of it away, alone on this barstool, avoiding any sort of conversation whatsoever" vibe. This was alarmingly similar to Charlie Brown's in Grand Forks all day long, until we showed up at 3 pm on Fridays and breathed some much-needed life into the place.
Music scene: Pretty depressing. 90% of the time, the only things you'll be hearing in Moe's are the depressed grumblings of Homer, Moe freaking out after another prank call from Bart, Barney belching, and the drone of the 8" shitbox TV Moe has overhanging the bar. I would be throwing money into the jukebox all night in an attempt to liven the place up. Although, you never know when the next random Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, or U2 sighting will occur at Moe's.
Chances of a guy like me getting his ass kicked in a place like this: Low. All these barflies are too depressed to actually throw down in fisticuffs. Although Moe's penchant for pulling out a loaded shotgun could prove to be problematic after I play the same Michael Jackson song 12 times in a row on the jukebox....twice.
6. Paddy's Pub- It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Fun Factor: Changes from day to day. The majority of the time, you could belly up and spend your day just getting after some pitchers (for some reason, Paddy's seems REALLY conducive to tying one on in the daytime, maybe since the characters are doing it all the time.) However, there are always random shenanigans going on in the bar. Some would interfere with your boozing, some would encourage it. Flip a coin.
Music Scene: Basically non-existent; except, of course, for when they started bands and the legendary 'Dayman' song was unveiled to the world. Other than that, provide your own musical entertainment.
Chances a guy like me gets his ass kicked in a place like this: Paddy's seems pretty safe as far as ass-kicking is concerned, but threat of death seems to be a near-monthly occurence.....and there's always the McPoyle brothers and the possibility of getting FORKSTABBED!
