- Make the game-time decision at noon that, instead of hanging with the girls by the pool and just chilling on beers and grilling burgers all afternoon, drinking at a nice relaxed pace, you're gonna have an all-dudes afternoon bar-crawl downtown? Check.
- Skip dinner? Check. (This is telltale sign #1 for me that I'm gonna black out at some point. Whenever I'm too impatient to go sit in a restaurant, or if I say anything along the lines of "I'll go with you guys, but I'm not gonna order, I'm just gonna focus on drinking"......heads up.)
- Dance to the Footloose theme song with a Mom at Sandbar? Check.
- Spend around 35% of all conversation after 10 pm talking in a robot voice, and making robot noises while walking around the bar? Check.
- Grab your friend's boob for an unknown reason, even though her boyfriend (who you are friends with, but haven't exactly tested the boundaries of your friendship to this extent before) is only a few feet away.....and measures in at about 6'4'', 260 lbs? Check. (Also, this one has yet to be fully explained to me; the girls said they're saving the story for a special occasion. F word.)
- Spill a schooner of beer all over yourself (then attempt to clean it up while making, you guessed it, robot noises)? Check.
- After everyone asks if you need a wake-up call the next morning, since you work at the golf course at 10 am, tell them "I'm a grown-ass man, I don't need a fucking wake-up call!!!" Check. (Telltale sign #2. I'm usually a smart-ass, but when I lose that joking tone of voice, and am just straight-up being an asshole....the lights are most likely off at this point.)
- Only make it to work on time because Janelle ignored your rude comments and texted you anyway at 9:47 am, after you had apparently shut your alarm off that morning? Check and mate.
