My 'Dad', The Governor?

Former NBA basketball player Chris Dudley and I have a long and storied history. It all started back in 1999, when I was still a true New York Knicks fan, and Patrick Ewing got hurt during the Knicks' wonderful run to the Finals as an 8 seed. All of a sudden Dudley was getting major minutes, and we were loving every second of it (Dudley is one of the top 5 nerdiest players to ever play in the NBA, as well as the worst free throw shooter in NBA history, by percentage.)

Also, in one of my favorite clips of all time (go to the 1:10 mark) after getting posterized and shoved to the ground by Shaq, Dudley gets up and guns the ball at his back and attempts to look tough, while everyone else tries not to laugh. Nobody, but NOBODY, dunks on Chris Dudley and gets away with it.

My first step in the Dudley-lovefest was DVJS and I making t-shirts with just his face on it. My friends and I have had a long-running joke that since my dad is such a badass, and I'm such a pussy, that I was clearly adopted. So the next step, once we saw the Dudley and I share the same crooked nose, was to start claiming that he was my 'real' dad.

Then, during our senior year in high school, the relationship went to the next level. The Phoenix Suns (of which Dudley was now a member) came to Fargo to play the T'Wolves in an exhibition game.

(If this next section sounds like me bragging, it's because I am. At 17 years old, it was one of the coolest nights of my life up to that point.)

During pregame warmups, we were all bantering with the Suns. Cliff Robinson was shooting corner three-pointers and missing the majority, so I told him to stay out of there tonight, it wasn't his spot. He gave me a 'what the fuck, white boy?' look, and then during the game, hit about four or five corner threes, pointing and winking at me in the crowd after every one (he knew where we were sitting due to later events.) We were busting balls with everyone on the Suns (except Jason Kidd, part of the reason I still hate him today, what a prick.) Then the kicker came from Lane (who else) when Dudley, the last player on the court before tipoff, threw down a monster dunk before trotting to the bench. Lane stands up and screams in his typical video game voice "Noooooooooobody brings the thunder like Chris Dudley!!!!!!!!!!!" So now not only does the entire Fargodome know who we are and what we're about, the entire Suns bench is dying in laughter. Soon after tipoff, we busted out our signs "Dudley For President" and "Chris Dudley Is My Real Father" and the team was practically rolling in laughter. So that's how the game went.

Afterwards, we were hanging in the parking lot waiting to get more autographs, when a few of the players approached us on their way to the bus and started bs'ing with us. Corie Blount, seeing a Taco Bell across the street, gives Lane 20 bucks and sends him on a taco run (literally, as Lane tore off at a dead sprint across the parking lot.) As soon as Dudley came out, the whole team erupted and called him over to us, and a picture taking and autograph session ensued. Dudley looked embarrassed, as it was probably the first time in his career he was the most popular guy on the team, and all the black guys were practically falling down laughing.

After awhile, things die down, and the Suns bid us adieu and get on the bus. It's at this point that Lane shows back up again, and without breaking stride, sprints right onto the bus, tacos in hand. Shortly after, security guards are dragging him off as he fights them, waving the bag and yelling "I've got Corie's tacos! I've got Corie's tacos!"

I'd like to think that Dudley kept the picture of us hanging in his locker for at least the rest of the season, but at least we know that the rest of the team made fun of him for months about that night (except Jason Kidd, that dick.) A couple years later, in 2003, we were at a game in Minneapolis, and though we missed the team boarding the bus, we got Dudley to come to the front of the bus and give us a what-up. And that was the last time I saw my real dad.

But he's been doing big things. Besides being a leading advocate for diabetes awareness (he suffers from type 1) he officially won the Republican nomination in the race for Governor of Oregon earlier this week.


Chris Dudley: a beacon of truth, justice, and missed free throws.



I've been keeping an eye on his political aspirations for a couple years now, and have been eagerly anticipating this day for awhile- really, the only thing that can get me excited for politics. I'm debating a move to Oregon (I've always loved Portland) just so I can vote for my 'dad' in this fall's election. If that falls through, I'll just have to rely on ADawg or Bobbi to cast my vote for me. I don't ask them for much.

Chris Dudley in 2010! Yes We Can!