It's pretty well documented that I love gambling. Even as a little kid I liked to spice up sporting events a little bit by having a little monetary interest in it. I was running a March Madness pool by third grade. I have a distinct childhood memory of losing a week's allowance to my dad because the National League lost the 1990 All-Star Game when Julio Franco broke open a scoreless game with a 2-run double in the 7th inning. I was 7. I begged and pleaded and even cried a little, hoping my dad would let me off the hook for the money. My dad, no doubt trying to teach me a lesson that I shouldn't be gambling, kept my allowance and then broke both my thumbs for trying to get out of paying. My mom (the video game hater) was initially angry with this blatant child abuse, but then she realized that without working thumbs, I wouldn't be able to play Sonic the Hedgehog for a couple months, and she mumbled under her breath "Two birds with one stone...score" and then her and my dad performed their secret handshake while I sobbed through the pain.
Years later, it's apparent that the only lesson the big guy taught me was that gambling is awesome. I don't even care how much money is involved; I'll cheer just as hard to win a dollar as I would to win a hundred. It's not about the money, it's about making things interesting.
It was in that spirit that we went to Shaun and Nelle's wedding on Saturday. I found plenty of eager participants, and soon I was scribbling down guesses of the length of the ceremony on a bar napkin. Ringer guessed 25 minutes, the actual time was 23:20, and when the ceremony ended she immediately whipped her head around from her seat a few rows in front of us and pointed at my watch in anticipation of her victory.
We bet on the length of Jud's best man speech. Katie won that one, but she had inside info since she is dating the best man; after some controversy and deliberation we let it stand, but she is now barred from the Hall of Fame, Pete Rose style. (Side note: Lane, Tucker and I had spent the last month trying to convince Jud to incorporate some famous quote from the world of sports, eventually settling on Jimmy V's "don't give up...don't ever give up" as our choice. He wasn't drunk enough to sneak that one in there, but he did manage to use the phrase "outkicked his coverage" so we were satisfied.)
We bet on the length of Jen's maid of honor speech (the best I've ever heard, it was basically a 3 minute and 13 second roast of Shaun- barbershop quartet style.) I was victorious in that bet and will be investing my winnings sometime this week. Investing them in two chili cheese wraps, a cheeseburger with mayo and no tomatoes, and a large strawberry limeade, that is.
We also had a prop bet of "will they hook up or won't they" with the line set at 5-2. We won't mention any names, but I talked to the girl involved yesterday, and it is official: they didn't. I told her about the bet and that I was the bookie. She wasn't offended, but now she wants a cut of the proceeds because "an attempt was made but it was unsuccessful."
Also from the wedding dance: for months now Shaun has been hearing how awesome the Apache dance is. He assured us that it would be played at the wedding. What we came to find out later on is that Lane and I would be announced by the deejay, and we would be on the dance floor by ourselves for the first verse so that the entire wedding can watch us, learn it, and then join in. Luckily I had been double-fisting beers and jungle juice for a couple hours already (open bar, dudes!) so I was drunk enough that I could've gone out there naked and not been too concerned about it. It went well, everybody enjoyed themselves, but the moral of the story is: if you constantly talk about how awesome you are, every once in a while you are going to be asked to prove it....maybe in front of a large group of people.
Congratulations Shaun and Janelle.
