Here are the top 10 fictional sporting events that I wish I had gone to in person (assuming, of course, that they're real.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Teen Wolf
The championship game or whatever it is (actually, I don't think the movie ever mentions what the significance of this game was...whatevs) This would be an inspiring underdog victory to witness, as Scott Howard plays as himself, not the Wolf, and his team still pulls off an impressive comeback victory.
Keeping it out of the top 10: at the end of the game, when Scott is shooting free throws with no time left on the clock, the refs allow Mick (the bad guy) to stand underneath the basket and glare him down. In the crowd, I would've been throwing such a fit that they were allowing this, I most likely would've been removed by security. Also, Scott's supporting cast was so bad, I have a hard time believing that they were actually playing that well.
Not quite Pippen and Horace Grant.
Karate Kid
The All Valley Karate Tournament Finals. Again, an inspiring underdog, and when they announce "Larusso's gonna fight! Larusso's gonna fight!" I would be crawling with goosebumps.
Keeping it out of the top 10: Daniel LaRusso was such a baby it drove me insane. I would've probably ended up cheering for Johnny Lawrence during the fight. Maybe even started up a chant of "Sweep the leg! Sweep the leg!"
10. White Men Can't Jump
Watching any of these games would be sweet, but I think I would choose the initial meeting of Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, so I could see Woody hustle the shit out of everybody with his goofy ensemble of clothing and silky smooth jump shot. To this day, Woody's character gives me inspiration. Why do you think I wear a headband when I play basketball? Opposing teams say "Look at that dork" and the ensuing lack of defense played against me is usually good for 4-6 points a game. Booyeah.
9. American History X
The pickup basketball game where the whites are playing the blacks, loser has to leave the courts forever. This would be a great game to watch for the intensity alone, but it receives negative points because Edward Norton somehow wins the game on a steal and reverse dunk like he's fucking Dominique Wilkins or something. In real life, Norton would struggle to throw down on 9-foot rims. Plus no team, EVER, would win a basketball game against black guys with the fat guy from Mallrats and My Name Is Earl as its power forward.
I officially redact everything bad I just said about Edward Norton.
8. Rudy
"Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!"
7. He Got Game
The one-on-one game at the end between Jesus and Jake Shuttlesworth (Ray Allen and Denzel Washington.) Another game where the stakes are obscenely high, making it fantastic. Rumor has it that in the script, Jesus was supposed to beat Jake 11-0, but Spike Lee told them to just start playing and they would start filming (assuming that an NBA player would destroy Denzel in one-on-one.) But Denzel started firing up some garbage shots that went in and jumped out to a quick lead, and Ray got legitmately pissed and took over the game, and that's why there is such real intensity during the scene in the movie. That could be complete bullshit, but if you can't trust Spike Lee, who can you trust?
6. Happy Gilmore
The final round of the Tour Championship between Happy and Shooter McGavin. Between the 400-yard drives, Happy getting run over by a Volkswagen, and the TV tower collapsing on the 18th green, that's about as much drama as you could ask for on a golf course.
5. Above the Rim
The championship game where Shep gets shot afterwards. Intensity, rim-rocking dunks, shaky defense, rap music, trash-talking, noticeable lack of white people, Tupac, concealed weapons...this tournament embodies everything I love about basketball.
This movie taught me that when Tupac says "Take care yo' bidness" it really means "I have provided you with a handgun. Go shoot that gentleman when his attention is diverted elsewhere."
4. Rocky/Creed II
I could've went with any of the Rocky fights here. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Clubber Lang, and the Rocky/Ivan Drago fight would've been a dandy, but it would've been awesome to see Rocky break through and beat Apollo Creed in probably the best boxing match of the whole series.
3. Mighty Ducks vs. Iceland
I'M NOT GOING TO DEFEND THIS ONE! I JUST LIKE IT, OK?!?! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!
The fact that Marguerite Moreau was the right wing for the Mighty Ducks is really just a cheap excuse to get a picture of her up here. I think she's my all-time #1 weakness. If I were to stalk one Hollywood actress, it would be her. She's just so girl-next-door, right? Like, I feel like I would have a real chance with her, you know what I'm saying? I would show her what the 'Flying V' is, and here's a hint: it takes place on my face, not on a hockey rink. The things I would do to that girl.....I think I just blacked out for a second. What are we talking about? Sports movies?
2. Victory
The Allied POW Team vs. Germany during WWII. The only factor keeping this game out of the top spot is that it's soccer. I don't dislike soccer, I could get into it if I tried, but I'm just not knowledgable enough about it for this game to be #1. Otherwise, it would be on top by a large margin. A dramatic comeback, goals left and right, the Allied Team overcoming the Nazi refs who are blatantly cheating, topped off by a fantastic shootout (featuring Sylvester Stallone as the Allied Team goalie.) Plus, at the end, when the crowd storms the field and tramples the Nazi guards to help the POWs escape, how great would that be? How often do you get to cheer against FUCKING NAZIS? Awesome.
Hello, new desktop. I can't believe I found this, google rocks my socks sometimes.
1. Major League
The one-game playoff against the Yankees. When the Indians bring in Wild Thing in the 9th to face Haywood with the sacks jacked and a tie game, and the whole stadium is rocking and rolling and singing "Wild Thing"...I mean, WOW....I could watch that scene a thousand times in a row and still get goosebumps on the 1,001th. And then the Tribe wins and everyone storms the field (developing theme: major bonus points for movies where the crowd gets to storm the field.) Lordy, I love playoff baseball.
"Enjoy it, Charlie. It's all downhill from here. This is what we in the industry like to call "peaking." Ever heard of Two and a Half Men? You will.
What'd I miss? And don't bother mentioning the homoerotic shirtless game of beach volleyball from Top Gun. I already thought about that one....long and hard (that's what she said.)
