I've gotta take a break from my day to tell you, we have some painters who have been working right outside my window today, and they have been providing me with free entertainment ALL DAY. They are basically the white trash, non-sports version of Wilbon and Kornheiser. They disagree on EVERYTHING, and as each argument runs its course, it finally boils down to each guy just yelling "Dude!" over and over again at each other, just like that scene in BASEketball, until finally they start trailing off, mumble "dude" one more time each and then fall silent until the next round starts up again about 3 minutes later. If I knew they were coming I would've brought a tape recorder. Here is a small sampling of their topics this afternoon:
Which is the best Family Guy episode of all time?
What is the best flavor of girl scout cookie?
If Spinal Tap had been a real band and sold cds and gone on tour after the movie, would they have been successful?
Finally, for 45 minutes STRAIGHT, they argued about a bunch of obscure bands I had never heard of, and whether or not they were considered bluegrass, hippie music, or a jam band. This one almost got violent, until finally cooler heads prevailed (i.e. I poked my head out the window and said, "Dudes, c'mon. Everyone knows that Slip Fire Light is totally bluegrass" and they busted out laughing.)
Now I'm no court stenographer or anything, but I started typing out some of their girl scout cookie argument as best as I could, it's pretty accurate:
Dude, caramel deelites are for pussies. Thin mints are where it's at.
Dude, thin mints? You can eat like 400 of them before you're full!
So what? Maybe I want 400 of them!
Dude, that's how you get so fat!
Fuck you, dude, I'll race you right now.
Race me to where, the girl scout cookie factory to get some more thin mints, fatass?
Oh, like you're better than me because you eat caramel deelites. That is the gayest name for a cookie I've ever heard. Deeeeeelite. You pussy.
They're awesome, dude! You eat one and tell me it's not awesome!
Dude, that's my point, dude. I don't want to eat just one...I'm not counting calories like you are, you little bitch.
Dude! Harsh.
Dude!
DUDE!
DUDE!
Dude.
Dude. Thin mints. For real.
Dude, I can't even reason with you anymore. Fuck this, I'm done.
Dude....
Dude.
