I was sick as a dog all weekend, causing me to miss out on the Daytona 500 festivities, always one of the best days of the year, as the Bergmans actually watch the race with great interest, and the rest of us spend a Sunday afternoon watching cars go around in a circle occasionally crashing, and getting absolutely bombed. Everyone knows that Bergman is a world-class drunk dialer, but he had to have set a new record yesterday by calling me 13 times in a 5 hour span. Kudos, sir.
Anyways, being couch-ridden yesterday was a blessing in disguise, as I encountered possibly the best day of movies on TV in my life. I mean, look at this lineup: Rat Race, 10 Things I Hate About You, Bring It On, Bad Santa, Napoleon Dynamite, Any Given Sunday, Mean Girls, Not Another Teen Movie, Speed. Are you kidding? That, my friends, is a fucking murderer's row. I had to blow on the remote control every once in a while to cool it off. With that in mind, here are my top 5 movies on TV that I am dropping what I am doing and watching every time, no matter what. In high school we called them homework killers, which now seems ironic because we didn't have shit for homework.
5. Mortal Kombat: Don't ask me why; I couldn't tell you. Sonya Blade (Bridgette Wilson) is hot? Sure. Liu Kang's facial expressions and weird noises while fighting? Alright. Sweet-ass 1995 techno music? Sounds like as good a reason as any. A movie based on the video game that changed the landscape of video games forever, paving the way for such society-eroders like Grand Theft Auto? Where do I sign?
4. Not Another Teen Movie: This is the only movie on the list that inspired me enough to buy it...mostly cause it was 6 bucks at Best Buy. However, it is a legimately funny movie, with two of my favorite actors whose name I have no idea (a "That Guy" in the words of Simmons) : the token black guy "Bling bling!"...... "That is wack!" and the asshole quarterback who starts the bet "well Mr. Needs-To-Find-A-Date-For-The-Prom...let's find you a date for the prom"........"little Miss Run-Home-To-Her-Daddy...ran home to her daddy." Oh yeah this movie also has a few titty scenes in it, which don't transfer well to Comedy Central.
3. Mean Girls: Lindsey Lohan at her absolute prime, Rachel McAdams as she was blowing up, a few SNL characters (always good to see Tim Meadows getting work) and this stunning realizaton, which hit me last night: it's kind of a funny movie. I was laughing out loud, or LOLing, on more than one occasion. And yes, I am strangely comfortable admitting that.
2. Bring It On: This movie really has no redeemable qualities other than Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku. Which is more than enough for the number 2 spot on this list.
1. 10 Things I Hate About You: The common denominator of every movie on this list is I really don't know why I like the particular movie. I do know that I am in love with the girl who plays Alex Mack (Larisa Oleynik?) I do know that I am not in the fan club of either Julia Styles or Heath Ledger. I do know that movies where a juvenile bet goes awry, the victims get mad at the particapants, then forgive them after either a) a half-assed apology or b) no apology usually don't do it for me. I also know that I have seen this movie upwards of 30 times, and neither myself nor anyone I know owns it.
As always, feel free to argue.
