Because I always do a preview in my head but don't say anything to anyone, and people who claim that they knew something was going to happen but don't say it until it is happening are full of shit, here is my NFL preview, and when this stuff does happen and I brag about it, you can't call me an asshole, cause I said it was gonna happen right here.
First off, my biggest rant of this offseason: Daunte Culpepper is still good. He had 6 (six!) bad games last year. I am with you, they weren't just bad, they were terrible. But that's it. Six games. The year before that, he had arguably the 3rd best season in NFL history for quarterbacks. Except Peyton Manning had the best one ever, so Daunte flew under the radar. But all it took were those six shitty games last year, and everyone is throwing him under the bus. I don't care that he has the hands of an 11 year old girl. I've heard that before. I'll take the Dolphins for 11-5 and Daunte to throw for 3,500 and 27 TDs, as well as being the key to my fantasy team. I am firmly buckled in and my Dolphins bandwagon is pulling out of the driveway. There are spots available, if anyone is interested.
Bandwagons that are far too crowded: Panthers, Cowboys, Redskins. The Panthers are good, but when too many say they are, it never ends well...speaking of things not ending well, TO has already trashed Jeff Garcia and Donovan McNabb...now he is paired with one of the most sensitive QBs in the league in Drew Bledsoe. Why not just sign Ryan Leaf or Joey Harrington as QB now and really cause a scene? How many games before TO tears Bledsoe in the press? Put the over/under at 5.5. And Bledsoe cries in the huddle by week 8. And the 'Skins just aren't that good. They throw money around every year, but for whatever reason this year everyone thinks they threw it at the right people. Mark Brunell hasn't been good since 2000, and this is the Giants' division to lose.
Another bandwagon with plenty of open seats: The Kansas City Chiefs'.
Beware the Madden Cover jinx, Shaun Alexander. If I was an NFL player, they couldn't pay me enough money to be on that cover. I wish I was kidding. I am just wondering if it applies to everyday people, as well. Like if you put John McJohnson from Bumblefuck, North Dakota on the cover, would he get fired, left by his wife, mauled by an escaped mountain lion and killed in a freak toaster fire?
Watching the Bengals be good for a year was kinda fun, but now they don't have a cakewalk schedule, and someone is going to get sick of Chad Johnson's shit and put him in the hospital. Odds are 1-2 that it is someone on his own team.
The Vikings are going to be waaayyy worse than anyone thinks. Don't let last years' little stretch fool you. If they couldn't win with Culpepper, Moss, multiple stud RBs and a bought-and-paid for defense, they aren't winning with Brad Johnson, the Amazing Taylors Travis and Chester, and a year older D. Offensive lines don't win championships. I'll take Last Place in the NFC North for $800, Alex.
AFC Division Winners: Miami, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, Denver
AFC Wild Cards: New England, Kansas City
First round: Denver over New England, Miami over KC
Second round: Denver over Pittsburgh, Indianapolis over Miami
AFC Championship: Denver over Indianapolis
NFC Division Winners: New York, Chicago, Carolina, Seattle
NFC Wild Cards: St. Louis, Arizona
First round: Chicago over Arizona, St. Louis over Seattle
Second round: New York over Chicago, Carolina over St. Louis
NFC Championship: New York over Carolina
Super Bowl: Denver 24, New York 20
